Crestfallen [COMPLETED]

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ - 27

Joanna

I wake up to a throbbing headache and aching muscles. But what surprises me more is Alex's arms encircling me in a protective embrace.

It's a jolt to my senses, a sensation that is too unfamiliar.

I notice that he's still dressed in his work attire.

Memories of last night flood back. I had been burning up with fever, and he cared for me.

Had looked after me in my unwell state.

The stark contrast between his indifference over the past months and his tenderness last night leaves me conflicted.

Did he feel pity for me?
Or was there something more behind his actions?

Shifting away from his grasp, I rise from the bed and make my way to the wardrobe. I don't feel completely well, but still a lot better.

But I  can't afford to miss another day of work.

I head to the bathroom for a quick shower, then dress and prepare myself for the day ahead.

As I step into the kitchen, I find Alex standing there, lost in thought.

And I know I should express my gratitude for his care last night.

Despite our differences, he was there for me.

I approach him, my voice sincere yet cautious.

"Thanks for looking after me last night. It means a lot."

He nods, his gaze avoiding mine. There's something else on his mind, something that has him distracted.
Why would I be there?
I remind myself.

I offer a polite smile and begin to turn away.

But then, his fingers gently wrap around my wrist, halting me in my tracks.

I pivot to face him, my curiosity rising. A tiny ember of hope sparks within me, a hope I will never acknowledge.

He starts to speak, his voice softening as he looks down.

I..." he starts, his voice trailing off as he looks down, struggling to find the right words.

My heart beats faster, hope and trepidation warring within me.

"Yes?" I prompt gently, my eyes locked on his.

"I need to attend this work party," he finally continues, his voice tinged with  hesitation.

"Will you come with me?"

Right. Yeah. Another work event, Another charade to uphold.

Another facade of our perfect marriage. The bitterness of it all threatens to surface, but I suppress it, gulping back.

"Yeah, sure," I reply, my tone casual. "Send me the details and the time."

I nod at him and then turn to leave.

I lean against the seat in my car. Nothing will ever change between Alex and me. He's forgotten me.

....
I see a message from Jason. That I ignore.

The memory of that night crashes into my mind.

Me. Back in his apartment, as Jason's fingers deftly pull down the straps of my dress.
His eyes blazing with an undeniable lust for me.

"You are so fucking beautiful, Jo," his words echo.

I flinch at the reminder of this nickname, that once held significance for me.

"Don't call me that," I manage to assert, my voice wavering as I move towards the bed, as I lie down, seeking some semblance of distance.

He follows, relentless, his grip on me tugging me closer.

"Because your husband calls you that?" he breathes.

I notice his jaw clench.
Asserting control, as if he has any right on me.

"That's none of your business," I respond

I break free from his grasp, my eyes flicking upwards to rest on the ceiling.

The seconds stretch, the silence  morphing into an almost tangible weight that hangs in the air.

"Did he hurt you so much?" his question cuts through the silence.

"I know it's not my right to demand answers from you,"he says his gaze turns warm.

Our eyes lock, and his fingers gently lift my chin.
His touch unexpectedly soft, under my skin.

"Tell me what you want from me," he implores, his eyes holding mine with unwavering conviction.

"Tell me, and I will do it. For you."

The vulnerability in his gaze dazzles me for a moment.

"Make me feel desirable," the words escape my lips, my voice almost a whisper.

"Make me feel like I am the only woman in the world. The only one you want in this bed, the only one that matters."

His response is immediate then.

As his mouth crashing onto mine in a desperate, consuming kiss.

.......................

I have begun to crave Jason's company more.

And even though he insists me on staying the night at his place.

I immediately leave after the sex.
And I don't want to get attached to him.

We seek each other out. When one wants the other.

He satisfies my physical needs.
Still I long to feel complete emotionally.

................................................................

I lie on Jason's bed looking outside his window, too tired to notice him
slide beside me.

He starts talking unexpectedly, opening up about his passion for traveling the world.

He calls himself a part-time lawyer and a full-time explorer.

That's the reason why he's working only part time for our firm.
Also that he has a lot of generational wealth, so he doesn't really need to work.

He's free to pursue his passions, and yet he actually enjoys being a lawyer.

I smile curiously at his admission, my gaze fixed on his face.

"What?" he asks, genuine curiosity in his eyes.

"Is it wrong to be happy?" He asks, clearly misinterpreting my smile.

"To seek the things that actually make me happy? To not chase after things the rest of the world holds important? To be rich?"

"Actually..." I begin, my voice trailing off as I turn my head to face him more fully.

"It's good," I continue, my tone soft but sincere.

"To know what you want and to be happy pursuing it. There's something incredibly liberating about being true to yourself and your own desires."

He gives me a nod, a smile tugging at his lips.

I pause for a moment, my gaze drifting away as I consider my own situation.

"Or there are some people.....," I falter my voice tinged with a hint of sadness, "who live under the delusion of happiness, their entire lives."

My thoughts involuntarily drift towards my marriage with Alex.

I don't realise when I fell asleep in Jason's bed.

This thing with him is evolving into something deeper, something more significant.

And I can't quite grapple this.