Kiss Kiss Fall in Blood

Levi doesn't give a sh*t

A/N: Sorry guys, autocorrect sometimes changes the names and its driving me insane.

Levi stood in front of the in prisoned host club, looking quite scary.

"So, I understand that several of you are extremely skilled, correct?" The captain questioned.

Kyoya pushed his glasses up. "Quite so. Mori-senpai is very skilled in kendo, and Honey-Senpai is an expert in all types of martial arts. Twins are skilled in mischief, and Haruhi is skilled at saving money, though not at making it."

"... And what are you skilled at, glasses?"

"The name's Kyoya-"

"I don't give a sh*t"

"And I am the intelligent one." Kyoya finished.

"HEY! YOU FORGOT ABOUT ME!" Tamaki yelled.

"You're the stupid one." Kyoya and Levi said in unison.

Tamaki gasped and huddled in his sadness emo corner.

"Huh. So. How many titans have you all killed?" Levi questioned.

"..." The host club was speechless.

"Hey, boss, what's a titan?" The twins asked.

"..." Tamaki replied, strangely quiet.

"Takashi, what's a titan?" Honey ever so sweetly asked.

"..." Mori replied, not being strange for him at all.

Levi facepalmed. "Right. You guys fell out of the sky. Guess you're not from around here? Fine. I'll explain this to you then."

And so Levi scared the living crap out of the host club, by explaining to them that they were no longer in modern day Japan at a private school entertaining girls with too much time on their hands.

"Okay, so basically, you're saying that this 'country' is a military state surrounded by three walls, maria, rose, and sina, and those are to protect people from the titans, of which there are normals and variants, and one variant is capable of breaking through the walls, and you want us to use our skills to help you?" Kyoya asked, seemingly the only one understanding the situation.

"Yes. And you're saying that you're from some place called Japan and you go to a fancy rich kids school where you entertain ladies with too much time on their hands and dress up all day and eat sweets?" Levi asked.

"SWEETS!" Honey yelled.

"Oh, and that he's third year highschooler?

"Quite frankly, yes."

And so the host club was put to work for the military, a drastic change from their previous lives.

"Hey, Kaeru, you know what would be fun? Let's steal all of that Levi guy's right boots. So then he'll only have left boots!"

"Hikaru, you always have the best ideas. While we're at it, lets replace all of his cleaning solution in that spray bottle to apple juice."

The Hitachiin twins giggled and set off to work. About an hour later, at Levi's designated cleaning time, a loud scream was heard. So terrifying that all the titans within a 100 mile radius went running. When the military arrived in front of Levi's office, they saw a man on his knees, staring at his desk.

"Uh, Levi? What's wrong?" Erwin asked.

Levi turned with a slightly crazed look on his face.

"My cleaning supplies... has been replaced... with apple juice.

Erwin slowly backed away.

"Oh, and I got my boots dirty, so I threw them out. When I went to get a new pair, there were only left boots. Who did this? I'm going to kill them!"

An hour later, Levi had several possible suspects lined up in front of him.

"CONNY! WAS IT YOU?"

"N-n-no, Captain, I may be an idiot, but I'm not stupid enough to mess with you, sir."

"JÄGER!"

"Yessir!"

"So it was you?"

"N-no sir, it wasn't me, sir! Your boots wouldn't fit me anyways, sir!"

Levi glared at Eren. Mikasa glared at Levi from a distance.

"JEAN!"

"Neigh!"

"WHAT WAS THAT?"

"Neigh, sir!"

"BETTER!"

Levi walked over to the trembling host club. He didn't have to say anything, the entirety of the host club just pointed to the twins.

"HARUHI! SAVE US!"

The twins shouted.

"Which one of you is which?" Levi growled.

The twins exchanged glances.

"Let's play the which one is Hikaru game! If you can guess correctly, you can beat us up!"

Levi looked from one twin, to the other. He debated for a minute, then promptly tied them together and threw them at the wall.

"YOU GUESSED WRONGGGGGG!" They yelled as they sailed towards the wall.

"I don't give a sh*t."