𝑶𝒖𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒉

.4

I have a class today..?

today, I sat in a desk all the way at the back of the lecture hall. I had a huge hang over after last night. I remember being shit faced and didn't remember anything.

I do however faintly remember this guy. he took me outside and I think he helped me out. I mean I know he didn't kill me or kidnap me.

I somehow made it home while drunk, thanks to that guy. I remember him being hot, but then again I was drunk, so it could just be my head.

I also remember the stitches across his face, the way his voice was soft, the way his scarf blew in the wind. I hope he's as attractive as I saw him that night.

I looked at my google notes and saw the neatness and the nice colors of highlighter all over the doc.

"my notes are so pretty, to bad I won't use them" I smile a bit.

I slouched in my seat as the professor began to talk. my head was pounding violently and my head felt like it weighted 100 pounds. I drank some pain killers earlier but it didn't do shit.

"fuck...if I get a lobotomy would it get rid of the pain?...wait no..that would get rid of my personality." I began to mumble to myself tiredly.

again, I felt like I was being watched. I kept glancing around the room for whoever was looking at me. all I saw was the back of the heads of other people, no one was looking. 

I looked down at my computer, and looked at the hit list again.

'when did I open the list?...' I thought.

I shrugged and scrolled through the names, forgetting to pay attention to the lecture. more names were crossed out, except at the bottom of the page

was my name.

I blink twice and looked at the screen again a bit closer. there it was in bright white letters.

"y/n l/n...what the hell" I whispered in disbelief.

whoever had control over this hit list knew who I was. that means I'm next to be murdered. without even realizing, I felt my breath increase its pace.

'this is what I get for not using a vpn..'

I was beginning to panic, but I didn't want to panic in front of all these people! it would just make me panic more.

I begin to frantically pack my bag, quietly, I decided to leave the room. the pounding of my head, the panic racing through my body, the soreness of my limbs, the pounding headache/hangover, and the fast pace of my breathing started to overwhelm me. I needed to calm down.

I quickly exit the room and walked out, as my eyes kept darting around corners. I beginning to feel paranoid, it was almost as if I was being judged and watched by my every move.

the invisible attention of whatever was watching made me feel almost claustrophobic. I felt as if I was in a room closing in on itself while people watched, as if I was a experiment. a lab rat. this feeling was all to familiar and I absolutely loathed it.

I began to fidget and squeeze my hands in hopes to keep my anxiousness down. my hands felt cold to the touch and felt stiff to move.

'how long has my name been on that list? are they after me already? was I dying? no I'm not dying! that's a stupid statement'

I was finally outside, yet the cold rush of air did not help the current panic rushing through me. the air sent shivers and goosebumps all over my body. I sigh in hopes to calm my nerves, the cold cloud of smoke coming out of my mouth.

'or did I get shivers and goosebumps because someone is actually watching me, now that I'm finally outside? no, it's close to winter, no one is watching me!' I tried to convince myself.

I decided that I needed to get my thoughts together, I needed to calm myself. I started to walk down the side walk, my intention was to walk around the blocks and pass by the police office. maybe they could help me.

I began to walk and kept my eyes on the ground at my shoes. I watched the way my legs would step over all the cracks and lines in the sidewalk.

I noticed how my headache wasn't so violent, it seemed to get drowned out by the cold. or probably by the nonstop running of my thoughts.

"how can I protect myself...gun! I have a gun at home! how do I forget that I have a gun, I destroyed my window because of it...what should I have for dinner?"I mumbled to myself.

my thoughts began to spiral from protecting myself to dinner and other stuff that I forgot to do today, like clean my room. the panic that I once had was disappearing.

the more I walked and thought, I lost all the attention on my surroundings. that was until I literally ran into a tree. I blink in surprise as I look up at the tree.

I grew confused as I looked around and all I saw were more trees.

"how the fuck did I get here??" I asked myself out loud.

now I know what your thinking. yes this is a stupid scenario, but that's what happened.

my thoughts took over and I some how made it to the woods. sometimes I wonder how I made it to college.

I took in my surroundings and realized how there was no indication on what was the way out or which way goes deeper into the forest. honestly, I would be panicking right now again but I've completely given up.

"maybe this is fate." I accepted.

all those restless nights and panic attacks caused by spiraled thoughts have led to this moment. at least these woods were pretty.

I began to walk around, kicking at rocks and pieces of wood. throughout this whole walk, I actually felt calm for once. it made me ask myself, when was the last time I've felt this calm?

how long has it been since I've had a break, that I felt fine with myself in a moment? I unconsciously let a smile grow my face, I felt content.

the coldness from my hands didn't feel as cold. they probably were still cold but not in a prickly feeling anymore.

my headache still floated around, but it didn't feel like a hammer was thrashing down on me. maybe it was the painkillers actually working.

I let out another sigh, this time the cold air didn't pierce my lungs. it didn't feel like needles were pricking at every tube that connected to my lungs.

things were finally going my way.

the more I walked and observed, the nature scenario continued to live as if I wasn't there. I wasn't disturbing the area and it wasn't disturbing me. I no longer felt like I was being watched. as if I was finally alone, despite being around wild life, I was alone.

...

"is that static?" I asked myself.

(i know it's short lol)