I Can Feel You

I Can Hear You

"She needs her mother to hug her, to tell her everything will be okay"

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'I'm sorry Anna'. These three words circle inside her mind in a chaotic loop as Princess Elsa of Arendelle watches, with no small amount of fear and guilt, her parent's horses gallop and disappear at the far end of the courtyard gate, Anna laying unconscious in her mother's arms.

How things went this wrong, Elsa didn't understand. They were just playing in the ballroom, and Anna was jumping on her snow hills and Elsa has slipped. Yes, she's slipped on her snow and hit Anna with her powers, and now Anna could very well be dead and that will be solely her fault.

She doesn't remember how long she stands there on her father's study looking through the window in hopes of seeing her parents bring Anna home. Doesn't remember when Gerda ushers her to her bedroom. But, she only lets her tears fall when the door of her room closes and her eyes fall on her sister's bed.

Fresh waves of guilt and shame pools inside her like a raging storm, and very soon her knees give out and Elsa falls on the floor with a painful thud. She clutches her arms tightly around herself and doubles over, as if protecting her torso. Her small frame shaking as a great tremor takes over her. Gut-wrenching sobs tearing through her chest.

Her powers are supposed to bring Anna happiness, but this gift.....no this curse has hurt her sister instead.

Elsa continues to spiral into a mindless panic. Her father has said it was not her fault before he went searching for the trolls, she knew it was an accident but she can't tell her brain to chill out. It is like she is being sucked into the middle of a twister, going tighter and tighter the more she struggles to get outside.

Why does this has to happen ? Why can't she just be a normal sister ? A normal person ? What sin has she committed that God has cursed her with such harmful powers ?

"I'm sorry Anna", Elsa rasps staring at Anna's bed with an unnerving deadness in her eyes. "I'm so sorry" she covers her face with her small hands, unable to hold the heartbreak and guilt any longer as grief pours out in a flood of uncontrollable tears.

She has hurt her sister. Her sweet, innocent sister who has only ever wanted to build a snowman and play with her. What kind of an evil person is she ?

No, she's not an evil person, for she's way worse. She's a........monster.

Oh god, what if Anna doesn't recover. What if she has done more than hurt her sister. What if....what if she has........killed her.

Elsa's small body wracks with another onslaught of sobs and tears. Vile thoughts tainting her mind and screaming at her, for being so careless, for hurting her sister, for being a monster.

"Please", Elsa whispers two or three times in quick succession, "I'm not a monster, I didn't- I- I'm sorry Anna, I swear I didn't mean it......please it was an accident"

An accident that kills.

Her powers roars to life and answers to her agony with an uncontrollable outburst. Ice fractals crackles underneath her and spreads through the room like the roots of a carnivorous tree- wanting to swallow everything in it's path. Snow cyclones around her, the wind extinguishing the guttering hearth fire and pulling stalactites from the ceiling.

"No", Elsa moans. "Listen to me", she commands in vain as ice continues to snap and crackle around her.

She couldn't even control her powers. What if she hurts someone ? Or worse, what if she hurts Anna again ?

Elsa squeezes her palms on either side of her head, trying to block her ears with the same strength as if she were breaking a chunk of ice. White spots appears behind her eyes.

What if Anna hates her forever ? But she deserves it, doesn't she ? She deserves to be hated ? Maybe mama and papa will finally understand that and throw her in the dungeons.

Her vision goes black and the air becomes harsh to breathe. Elsa feels like she is in an extremely small, cramped box that is squeezing her from all sides. In her head, she can hear Anna blaming her for everything, can hear her parents calling her words, as hurtful as 'dangerous' and 'witch'. Anna glaring at her, the rest of Arendelle wanting her blood.

"No, I know Anna loves me", Elsa mumbles hoarsely. "Mama and Papa loves me"

Does she really believe her parents will love her after what she did to Anna ? That anyone can ever love a monster like her ? An evil creature painted in beautiful colours ?

"Please stop", Elsa pleads, eyes scrunched so tightly she can fell herself getting a headache.

Lost in the whirlwind of emotions, she misses how her palms, which are still clasped over her ears, dips into an inhumanely cold temperature. Misses how ices climbs her arms like jagged vines, how her palms glows bright with primal magic.

What will Anna say when she learns what she did to her ? What her beloved older sister did to her ? Learns that her sister is nothing but a monster ?

"I said- STOP !" The castle wall echoes with the screams of the young princess and her powers explode from her hands like an artic power keg.

A sharp pain in her head causes Elsa to cry out and something rips inside her ears. Eyes still blurry, she bites her lips against the agonising pain and places a shaking hand over her left ear and watches with horror as it comes off bloody.

Elsa suddenly feels very sick, and hisses as her ears and head throb with a horrible, horrible pain. Her vision takes a swim. She buries her head into her arms, but a loud bang of door bursting open causes her to jump and crawl backward. An involuntary whimper escaping her lips.

Suddenly a hand wrestles her chin up and two fingers press against her ear and a hoarse cry escapes her throat as it sends a sharp stab in her head. Someone- a woman, is talking to her, calling her name.

She blinks her eyes at the blurry figure, but the lack of purple clothing and royal jewellery makes her realise it isn't her mother. The realisation brings forth another onslaught of tears and she ceases her efforts to look at the person. It was probably a castle servant - Gerda perhaps. She doesn't care.

She wants her mother. She needs her mother to hug her, to tell her everything will be okay.

She pushes the person, which does more damage to her than the woman. A hand lays against her shoulder, and Elsa's overtaxed nerves responds with a small blast of frozen fractals.

Few moments later, a second voice joins in- deep and gravelly, filled with concern. The words are muffled, and everything sounds rather fuzzy, as if she is underwater. But, she can recognise that familiar voice anywhere and suddenly Elsa feels a wave of relief wash through her and she starts crying again.

It is her father, though she still can't see properly, but looking at the figure standing next to her she can recognise that straight confident posture of her father anywhere. She can hear the muffled sounds of medals dangling over her father's chest, his strong footsteps, his concerned voice.

She spreads her hands towards the blurry figure of her father and chokes a broken, "Papa".

He slips behind her, bringing her small frame to rest against his. Elsa lets him support her and hold her up. Gentle hands cups her chip, titling her head fractionally.

Her father says something to her, something like "You'll be fine, Elsa" but she can only hear half of it. Her ears feels like they have been wrung out from the inside.

Her father mutters something more, but she can't make out what. She is drifting into a restless doze, relaxing against her father's strong arms.

"Elsa !" A high pitched voice calls her and she lifts her head fractionally, her muzzled brain barely recognises the person running towards her and dropping on her knees beside her with a loud thud.

It's her mother.

Elsa smiles, before the world goes dark and she hears no more.