By: Creative Writing Class Group Project
The Angry Uber Driver drives along the busy city street, when—RING! RING!—his phone buzzes, only furthering the radio's blaring cacophony in the background about "mass failure" on roller coasters. The Angry Uber Driver picks up the phone after aggravatingly struggling to grab it while his eyes were trained on the road ahead of him, already exhausted from the day's work. His irritated expression smears a grimace over his blank slate of an average face, his left hand practically palming the steering wheel. He was already stuck in traffic, between a bumper-rider and an old woman in front of him. "Yeah, UBER, where're you at? I'm stuck in traffic." He grumbles. "Ermmm," the customer mutters, "look up."
The Angry Uber Driver slowly pans his head upward to his left, looking through the window only to see a rollercoaster full of people stuck upside down. His irritated eyes widened before his brow furrowed, his hand beginning to ball into a fist around his small Nokia(it was unbreakable anyways so it doesn't exactly matter). "What am I supposed to do about allat?" He yelled.
"Call the police?"
"What the hell do you want me to tell them? You think I'm Superman?"
"I forgot their number."
"You forgot their number? Are you dense?"
"Isn't it like... 4-1-1?"
"It's 9-1-1! 9/11!"
"9/11? My cousin died in 9/11."
"No—Dude."
"Help me!"
The Angry Uber Driver rolls down his window and leaned out. From the perspective of the customer stuck on the roller coaster, the only thing visible being a tiny ant of a man starting to half-crawl out of his driver's side window. He pulled his phone closer to his mouth. "You don't have to come over." And from the distance came a, well, distant scream. "Are you an idiot?! I'm drivin' 'ere and you're callin' over being stuck on a McDonald's-ice-cream-machine-equivalent of a goshdamn mechanical caterpillar?! Are you serious?!"
"Ice cream machine?"
"I hate America!"
"Aren't you American?"
The Angry Uber Driver sits back down in his seat, fuming over the situation before he grabs his phone and gets out completely, cars behind him blaring their horns. He starts to scale any sort of vehicle in his way while he made his way over to the carnival. He reels back his arm, like he was going to throw it. The customer cups his hands around his mouth to echo his voice.
"That's not gonna help, silly!"
"I'M GONNA FIND YOU WHEN YOU GET OFF!"
"Did you call the coppers?"'
The entire situation descended into the madness of the Angry Uber Driver running along his verbal tirade, while the customer slowly began to be let down as the ride was repaired. By the time he was let off, he simply stretched.
"Pretzel."
The Angry Uber Driver ran over to the customer.
"GIVE ME MY MONEY!"
"But I want a pretzel now?"
The Angry Uber Driver grabbed the man and began to shake him down for cash, but only found Monopoly currency.
". . . How the. . . How did you even get 'ere?"
"I got on?"
"I can't take this anymore. I can't. People like YOU."
". . . (uncomfortable silence) McDonald's-ice-cream-machine-equivalent-of-a-goshdamn-mechanical-caterpillar-rider?"
THE END
