Life After You

The Cemetery

Today was the day I had been dreading all year long. The memories all came flooding back to me in my dreams last night, drowning me with sorrow and almost making me reconsider living a life without you.

With all the changes in my life, I think it was time I paid you a visit. Even though the cemetery was a place I dreaded going to.

A text from Phil popped up on my phone as I was heading out, causing me stop in the kitchen.

Phil :)
Hey, if you dont wanna be alone today - Im free for coffee or something. Dont want to intrude, but just know that im thinking of you.💗

Without hesitating, I hit the call button and waited for him to pick up. It was sad to say, but he was the only one keeping me alive, and I needed him more than ever right now even if  it was hard for me to admit.

"Hello?" Phil hummed on the other side of the phone.

"Come over," I pleaded, my voice tapering.

God I was pathetic, begging for another man's attention on the day of my boyfriends death like some kind of whore. What the hell was wrong with me?

I could almost hear Phils heart break on the other line, "Are you okay?"

"No," I admitted . "I-I cant do this anymore."

"Its okay baby," Phil cooed softly. "Ill be there in a minute, okay?"

The line beeped back at me as Phil hung up the phone. I slid down the wall onto the floor with relief. A small weight lifted off my chest knowing that I wouldn't have to be alone. Part of me was terrified that if I was alone in the cemetery that I'd do something terrible.

Wait a second.

Did he just call me baby?

No, surely I misheard him or something. There was no reason for him to call me anything other than Dan.

D     A     N

He couldn't call me baby. No. Only Ollie could use that name.

I sighed and tilted my head back against the wall. If I kept thinking like this I was gonna give myself an anxiety attack.

Luckily the sound of tires pulling up onto the gravel driveway brought me out of my cloudy mind.

He was here already?

"Dan?" Phil hummed as he stepped into my front door slowly.

I looked up at him from the floor slightly waving at him without saying a word.

He frowned as he made his way over to me, slowly bringing himself down to sit on the floor beside me.

"You actually came?" I whispered, trying my hardest not to look him in the eyes.

He nodded and put a hand on my knee, "Of course I did. Youre my friend."

My eyes slowly brimmed with tears, I was too much of an emotional mess for all of this.

It was hard not to cry after seeing how much he actually cared for me. I haven't experienced any sort of compassion since losing Ollie, and this was just enough to push me over my breaking point.

I covered my mouth as the tears began to flow.  The heaviness of my grief weighing me down lower than I had ever been.

Phil immediately scooted closer and wrapped his arms around me. I gave into his touch, leaning into his shoulder and crying uncontrollably.

The one thing that was different about Phil than anybody else who had attempted to comfort me, was that he didnt say anything.

Its okay, dont worry, youll be fine, were all that came out of peoples mouths as soon as I even hinted at being upset.