"I'm a bad mother, i hurted her. I hurted my baby, i made her cry, what was i thinking" she said curling up in the corner of Diane's office, her eyes watering.
"You're not a bad mother Maya, accident happens, everybody made mistakes. I'm sure she already had forgiven you. Don't be so hard on yourself. Can you tell me how you felt after she started to cry?" she asked trying to calm Maya down.
"I felt so guilty, guilty that i made her cry, it's so so bad, i'm so so bad" she said curling up a little more like she was trying to dissapear, to become so tiny that nobody could see her, never again.
On Carina's side it was the panic, she was scared for Maya.
She did her best and it was returning back at her.
She felt guilty that she wasn't there for her, that she didn't prepare Maya as much as she wanted for motherhood.
Maya was working on her side and didn't even plan to tell her.
And she was late, she was suppose to be home by now but she's not.
Carina was worried, she fed Emma before deciding to read a book to change her mind.
But that didn't last long because 5 minutes later she was out like a light.
While Carina was asleep, Maya was working on herself.
She had went to her session with Diane, but before coming back home she wanted to do something special.
She went to the store, grabbed a few things then headed home.
Maya was back, after her session, exausted.
She came into her room only to see her love sleeping like a star in the middle of the bed.
She felt a kind of relief that she was sleeping.
She put on her pajamas, and curled up around Carina's arms not wanting to let her go.
Suddenly, Emma's cries could be heard throught the apartment.
Maya took her courage and decided to let Carina sleep and go take care of her daughter like a mother would do.
She entered the room as her cries were getting louder, she tooks her off her crib and started to bounce her around the room.
But it wasn't working.
She then remember something she had read when she was searching for advice to be a great parent.
She started to undress Emma, leaving her only with a diaper, she also took time to put some socks and a beanie on her so she wouln't get cold.
She then straped her top off, leaving herself in just a bra.
She grabbed a blanket, and sat down in the rocking chair with Emma on her chest.
Her cries were stopping slowly, she was fine with her mommy, she felt safe.
Carina who had felt Maya getting out of bed, wanted to check so she slowly but surely got up to check on them.
When she got to the door, tears started welling up in her eyes she couldn't believe what she was seeing.
She stayed there for a little bit before going back to her room, and wait for Maya.
"I've always felt insecure you know, i was always telling myself that i'm not worthy of love. Then i found your mamma, she helped me see who i truly was even if i broke her heart multiple times but look at us, we're stronger than ever. It took me some time to realise that and fully heal but i'm sure you can help me along, right ?!
I need to trust that i'm a good mother, i will always love you no matter what and i know i will make mistakes but it doesn't change anything, okay ?!" she said boucing around in the chair with a wide awake, curious little girl on her chest.
"I've got something for you beautiful" she said grabbing a stuffed animal and putting it beside her.
"You see that, that's a tiger, you are a fighter and if one day someone is bothering you, this will make you think of mommy and then i will kick their asses, ok ?! They will not mess with you and i will always be here. I love you pretty girl, my little chicken"she said gently rubbing her little back.
Emma grabbed her mommy's finger in her little tiny hand, she was looking right into her mommy's eyes.
Maya's heart melted for this little girl, she was in love, she felt it now.
"I love you and i'm sorry again for hurting you earlier, i didn't mean too" she said, as she started to sing her to sleep.
«Your little hand's wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter 'cause you're dreamin'
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light
To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have honey
If you could stay like that
Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up
Never grow up»
In the other room, Carina hasn't seen Maya come back so she decided she would check on them.
As she approach Emma's nursery she heard someone sing.
She pocked her head silently and see her wife, boucing their little girl to sleep while singing.
Happy tears started to stream down her face as she grabbed her phone to record this she then sent the video to Andy before going back in her room, waiting for Maya to come back.
She falls back asleep before she even see Maya.
Maya on the other hand, after putting Emma on her crib, went to get a glass of water and saw a letter on the kitchen counter with her name on it .
"No, it's not....it's not possible...right?!?"
A/N: Sorry for the lack of update but i've been kinda busy with school, so hope you liked it.
