Kismet Kiss

1| Tears of Loneliness

I was a tree with beautiful blooming leaves with vibrantly painted leaf's the shade of green, with orange crippling leaves as the soft autumn breeze brushed them away, with frozen leaves that mirrored popsicles, to no leaves at all. Every leaf that fell from my branches and painted the ground beneath, where like memories. Each once flourishing but now dead, crippling away into nothingness.

The world was covered in a deep blue coat of darkness. The clouds cast a thick blanket upon the sunny ball of fire that hung proudly in the sky as the white fluffy cotton candy-like clouds cried with vicinity. The rain rioted in the hazy streets below as umbrellas painted the sidewalks and cars ran swiftly along the crowded streets. I watched the raindrops race another until they reached the end of my glass window, falling, trickling, and resting in a small puddle of nothingness.

Nothingness seemingly was my newfound best friend. Nothingness followed me around like a shadow, hunting me like a relentless and restless ghost. It swallowed me in a cold and dark hug, choking and smothering my screams for help. It was as if I was falling into the void, over and over and over again. Until I finally hit the cold ground with a loud bang. I'd look up into the sky, yet the empty sky would stare back at me. It wouldn't leave me. I'd try to light a fire to shield myself from the grief, but the wind would blow it out with a simple whisper.

The wind tenderly whispered against the trees, causing the branches to sway back and forth as the raindrops fell from their leaves.

A pink cup with painted red roses came into my vision. I watched as the brown liquid inside of the cup steamed up, polluting the air with a rosy scent. The steam sprouted like a tree, disappearing into the crowded room. I followed the cup, from the fingers that grasped it to their arms, until I found the owner's face. It was my Aunt Bonnie. Her chocolate rosy cheeks lifted from the contagious smile that radiated love to anyone who saw it. She was dressed modestly in an elegant black dress that fell at her knees, allowing her white heels to steal the attention. White peals rested upon her neck, bringing more liveliness to her face. "I will not let any child of mine die of dehydration." She proclaimed with a soft chuckle.

I side-eyed her, not mistaking the hope that glistened in her golden eyes as her painted-over eye bags creased with her smile. I studied her face as it held an intense look masked behind her smile. I noticed as her hand that carried the cup shook ever so slightly. Although eventually, I grabbed the cup from her hands and turned back towards the window without a second thought. I heard her sharp inhale as the room shifted and the air thickened.

The room was mute as everyone inhaled a breath they wouldn't or couldn't exhale. The only sound was the rain banging against the window, asking to be allowed inside, to wash away the tension and to drown me before my sorrow did. Drop, drop, drop. Each raindrop hit the window and trickled to the warmth shelter of the puddles gathering at the bottom of my window. I wished I was a raindrop, racing away with my friends or family, swimming in the deep blue ocean, away from the thousands of problems that followed me like a stray dog.

I watched my Aunt walk away with a defeated look written on her face as she greeted the rest of our family. I scoffed at the smiles she sent and the smiles that were returned.

They were all fake. They were as fake as the Barbie dolls. Months ago, my father was fighting the battle of cancer that infected every part of his body until nothing was left. Each day, I woke up, went to the hospital to check on him, then went straight away to work for the hospital fees. (And let's not forget I had to maintain school work on top of that). Never once did the family who loved him so much ever offer to help me pay for medication, food, or anything for that matter. They proceeded with their lives as I danced and twirled in stress, pain, and sorrow.

Sorrow swallowed me, like the creature that swallowed Jonah in the Bible. It took me down in the deep blue ocean, never allowing me to see the light of day. I was nothing. Waltzing, in the nothingness that swallowed me every. single. day. I should've been better, plastering a smile on my face even if that smile was just a shadow to hide my anger and self-loathe. Why did you loathe yourself? Because It was all too easy. My father tried his best to make me happy when he was in the hospital. But who was making him happy? Who was making good use of the time he had left in this horrid world? The answer is no one.

The stiff clap of clasped hands echoed in the whispering room, drawing everyone's attention. Everyone except for me. I looked down as I felt a small wet drop falling along my hands, trialing down my fingers until they fell to the ground. One after another after another, all following after the another, and all finding the carpet. I slowly peered up at the ceiling, looking for the crack that allowed the rain to fall through. With much concentration, I found it as it cried through a small opening in the ceiling that was wet with moisture. Drop, drop, drop.

"Clementine." My aunt said as she gently touched my wet hand. I glanced up at her through my glossy eyes. Her eyes soften upon seeing them. "Oh honey, I, I-it's time to go." She whispered. I looked around the room, noticing that everyone had left, leaving only me and my aunt. Memories rushed through my mind like a slideshow, broadcasting my happy childhood that is currently being sucked down a drain along with the rain that poured outside.

I walked past my Aunt towards the bright blue door with children's drawings hanging onto it like Christmas tree with ornaments. I opened the door hesitantly as Bonnie walked past me seeking shelter under the dim orange light beaming in the hallway, yet I stopped to peer back into the room. This was my home. Our home. But why does it feel like I am saying goodbye to it and my father...

I shut the door and began walking down the squeaky and cracking stairs that followed until I found my way to the front door. The rain slightly flowed at the bottom of the door, rushing towards a nearby stream. A dark pointy object came into view. It was an umbrella. I watched my Aunt open its wings, turning the umbrella into a stop sign shape. She walked past me, with the umbrella going first, throwing it into the sky as the raindrops trickled off it, falling like a waterfall.

She looked back at me with a reassuring look painted across her face. Yet I need no reassurance. I needed my father back.

I walked under the umbrella, peering down at the ground as the memories of my father drawing on the sidewalk with chalk as I excitingly stood behind him with a beaming smile rushed into me as if it was an adrenaline rush. The beautiful green and red colors bloomed with our bond that grew each day. The memories faded away slowly from my mind, leaving only the rain swimming along its corners and dripping into the streets. A silk-black limousine pulled up next to us.

My Aunt approached it, opened it, and signaled me to the car. She smiled, though I saw through it. The reassurance that leaked through it wasn't for me... but for herself.

"Clementine, come along now." My aunt's voice broke through my trance like a knife cutting cheese. I peered up at her and passed her eyes. I stepped into the awaiting car, laced in silence.

After a few minutes, we stopped next to a towering building with a cross sat atop it. The title of the church was "Hopes Church of God." It was a gloomy-looking building as bricks laid in a red, white, and black pattern trailed upwards into the tent-like shaped roof. The windows were painted with stories written proudly in the Bible. But one picture caught my attention. It was a picture of Jesus with his hand outstretched toward a little girl. It reminded me of my earthly Father and I. The rain trickled down my face mocking the tears of a human.

Yet I did not know if those were my actual tears or the clouds above me.