Drowning Is for Whores

Chapter 1: Sirius Didn't Know

it was December 31st, 1979, when Regulus Black was announced dead. Sirius didn't know. Sirius didn't know that his brother was dead until he saw it in the prophet. No one had bothered to send an owl. Sirius hadn't talked to his brother in years, but it still hurt. Sirius sat in bed for a week. he didn't get up, he didn't shower, he barely ate. Remus had to be there for Sirius. he sat next to Sirius, stroking his hair and kissing him, telling him it was alright. Sirius didn't know. Sirius didn't know that Remus was hurting too. Sirius didn't know that at midnight when he would finally be asleep, Remus sat in his boyfriend's kitchen crying. Regulus was like his brother too. James sat in a chair in Sirius' room, all day he'd hear his best friend's loud sobs while Remus took care of him. James cries were silent, only to be heard when everyone was asleep. James loved Regulus. He missed being able to hold him in his arms and kiss his forehead, laugh with him when James would stub his toe, and go on little dates with him. That was years ago, maybe a decade. That was at Hogwarts. Regulus became a death eater, cutting everyone off, even him. Sirius didn't know. Sirius didn't know how at night James lay in Regulus' Slytherin dorm room, cuddling him asleep. Sirius didn't know that when James said he was going to study, he went to Hogsmeade with Regulus. Sirius didn't know. James sobs had to be silent, or Sirius would know.

That was a year ago.

Sirius, James and Remus sat at an order meeting. Remus had his head buried in his hands on the table, snoring. Sirius and James played a game a rock paper scissors. People were filing in, but nothing has started yet. It seemed like a regular order meeting, although there was a chair sat at the head of the table, facing the wall. The marauders and other members knew better, they knew it was important. They watched the chair, it didn't move. It didn't stir. It didn't make a single noise. it sat there; maybe holding a person, maybe not. they glanced at the wall; no thoughts crossed their minds. it's just a chair. that was until Alastor Moody walked in, he didn't sit in the chair. he always sat at the front of the table. he stood next to it, placing a hand on the headrest. he cleared his throat, everyone in the room went silent. Sirius and James game ended, and Remus popped up from us nap immediately.

"Now,"

Moody began, fixing his tie; like he was nervous.

"I'd like to announce a new member. you know of him, he is famous among our group, he has assisted us in many ways possible. we wouldn't have gotten this far without him."

everyone was on the edge of their seats. who was this supposedly famous person he was talking about?

"Now, I formally welcome our new member, someone who has been our loyal spy for years..."

everyone held their breath. they would finally meet their spy, someone who was in the inside of the dark arts, his work had saved them.

"Regulus black."

Sirius thought he was joking, that it was a ruse. that was until the chair spun around to reveal a face. a face Sirius hadn't seen in maybe a decade. Sirius didn't know. Sirius didn't know that his brother was alive. Sirius didn't know that when he was sitting in bed all day for a week at his lowest point in life, regulus was alive. Sirius didn't know.

Regulus stood up, nodding with a blank face. whispers went around the room, mumbling all thoughts of theories. James looked at Regulus, not sure how to react. he was dumbfounded. sirius excused himself, standing up and heading for the door. Remus trailed off after him, along with James. Regulus watched his brother storm out of the room, but it felt worse to see James's face. it looked as if he... didn't care. Regulus knew James better than that; he knew him. he knew that meant James cared too much to show. Sirius looked angry; Regulus hadn't seen Sirius like that since he left home. he had to keep a straight face, watching his ex and his brother boyfriend run away from him; but it hurt more to watch his brother run. everyone switched their glanced from Regulus and Alastor, staying silent. Moody cleared his throat, after a quite awkward moment of silence.

"Anyways uh- a word from Regulus Black."

though nobody felt it was quite appropriate, considering the circumstances, everyone clapped as regulus was announced, waiting to hear his speech.

"Hello everyone. I know you all have believed me to be dead, and the fact that i had joined the dark lord. though, I believe today that will be proved wrong."

regulus rolled up his left sleeve, showing them all his bare left four arm.

"i never took the mark."

regulus began, starting to pace side to side.

"Me and Dumbledore came up with a plan, spells and enchantments. as you all probably know, he's gone now."

everyone nodded, they all heard about the fall of the orders leader.

"He was a powerful wizard, and with the help of a black... we could do almost anything."

regulus said, trying not to brag.

"We developed a hex on the dark lord's wand. so, when he tried to give me the dark mark; it was only an illusion. as you can see here, there's no *real* dark mark."

regulus explained, all eyes on him.

"Now, this hex also created a bond between me and the wand. anytime the dark lord's wand was near, the fake mark would appear on my arm, as if it was real."

as he explained; Sirius, Remus, and James sat on floor on the other side of the door, listening to regulus' speech. Sirius' face was drenched in mascara stains dripping down his face, laying his head on Remus's shoulder. Remus's arm was around Sirius, rubbing his back gently. James was on the other side of Sirius, his back flat against the door. he was silent, no sobs and no tears, no yells of anger, silent. he stared at the floor with a blank expression, listening closely to regulus' every word. he didn't want to admit it, but he missed regulus' voice.

"We also added an automatic transfiguration charm, any time the death eaters are needed or called; I was immediately transformed into one. "

everyone nodded along once again, but honestly, they had no idea what was happening. as Sirius silently cried, the same 3 words repeated in his head over and over again. He didn't die. as Remus comforted his boyfriend, the same 3 words repeated in his head over and over again. He didn't Die. but James words were different. there were 5 words repeating in his head over and over again. He didn't die, he left.

Regulus Black didn't die, he left.