Will We Talk?

32- Jealous (Sam)

Sam's POV:

I woke up at around 3 in the morning to an empty left side of the bed. At first, I thought Evelyn was just in the bathroom, doing whatever, but I was quickly alerted by the sound of persistent sniffing and slight wails. That was enough to make me get up out of bed, no matter how cold the winter air was, and see to my girlfriend.

I knocked once, allowing her to clean herself up, although I was sure she still looked flawless. I could hear her shuffling around, then the lock on the door turned and I stepped back.

She stood in the doorframe, her once grey eyes now outlined by a red puffy circle. That could be from her extreme lack of sleep recently, or from her breakdown. It hurt me to see her in so much pain.

"You've been crying." I muttered, closely observing her. Then she began to cry again.

I could tell she was sick to death of crying, but recently, it never seemed to stop and I don't know why. I don't know how to comfort her properly when I'm unsure on what was bugging her. I knew she was embarrassed whenever she cried, but she had no need to feel like that around me.

"C'mon, lets get you back to bed." I whispered, taking her hands and taking her to the bed. I tucked her in and straightened the blankets before turning the bathroom lights off.

"Want to tell is what's up?" I questioned softly, not wanting her to feel obligated or uncomfortable to tell me anything, even though I was her boyfriend and she should know to trust me.

"A lot." she whimpered, not moving from her position.

"I'm here to talk, Evie." I said as I lay down, following her actions.

"Its the baby, Sam." she admitted after a while.

Then it hit me why she'd been out of bed so long: she was looking after the kids. And from what I knew, she found out around this time a year ago she was pregnant, so she'd likely be grieving.

"I just feel so shit. I'd do anything to be in the same position Bailey and Yvonne are in. But here I am. Jobless. Childless."

Fuck.

This lass was so strong, and here I lay, listening to her being so self-deprecative about herself. She needs to know how loved she is, that's what I'm here for. I'm so proud of her, for making it so far. For trying to kickstart her life after a few months of misery and heartbreak.

"That all?" I sensed she needed to tell me more.

"I'm jealous Sam. I'm jealous. I don't want to be jealous. I want to love my godchildren, not be jealous of them." she admitted, her voice cracking into small sobs.

Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close. This was how I wanted to make her feel safe, like I was an umbrella to protect her from the shower of her problems. I didn't want to make her feel like a burden. I wanted her to be as happy as I could make her. This is my love language. This is how I like to comfort people. This is how I like to be comforted.

No words could describe how grateful I was for this woman.

"You need some rest, Evie." I mumbled into her hair.

"I do." she sniffed, laying herself back on her side of the bed.

She shuffled around for a while, trying to get comfortable. All she wanted was a good night of sleep. All she wanted was a happy life. All she wanted was to see her baby.

"You don't deserve any of that darlin', but look at how strong that's made you." I pressed a kiss into her hair and cradled her, waiting for her to doze of.

Her eyelids slowly dropped. She looked so drained, which is understandable given what she's currently going through.

"I love you more than words can say, Evelyn Victoria." I muttered into her ear, half-hoping she heard and half-hoping she didn't.

It was my goal to make her feel loved, and I'd not stop until I did that successfully. Even when asleep did she manage to look so ethereal and precious.

The privilege is entirely mine to call her my girlfriend.

*****

The winter sun beamed through the pink curtains that draped from the pole to the floor, waking me from my sleep. Meanwhile, Evelyn remained in a deep sleep in my arms. Her small breaths echoed around the room and her mouth was slightly opened, wisps of hair stood all over the place- an obvious indicator of a good night of rest.

I rolled over to check the time, the clock reading 10:47. She hated waking up after half 10, so it was a hard decision to make as to whether or not I awake her.

I didn't.

She needed this sleep, and there was no way I was going to pull her from it.

That meant that I was left with my thoughts to keep me entertained.

I thought about yesterday and how mam spoke to me about how I should be treating Evie. Its not that she critiqued me, she just told me to be more aware of her feelings, giving her space when she needs it and stuff.

God, are relationships hard. But I was willing to do anything to make this relationship amazing.

Yes, I had been in my fair share of romances, but none of them made me feel the way I do with Evie. Once upon a time, I never used to think about my future with the girl. Nor did I get butterflies literally every time I'd see them. Not to mention the constant will for sex too.

Evie's the one I want. And I'm completely sure of it. She's the one I want and need to grow old with.

After a while of being awake, Catherine stuck her head around the door. She smiled as I gave her a small wave so she knew I was awake, then she gestured for me to come with her. Reluctantly, I left Evie to rest and followed Catherine downstairs and into the kitchen where breakfast luxuries and goodies sat on the table.

"Morning everyone." I greeted the family, stretching the aches away from my bones.

"Morning Sam. Want a cuppa?" Bradley offered from the bench he was stood at.

"Go on then."

"I wonder why Bailey and Evelyn are taking so long." Rob claimed as he stepped in from the garden, presumably after having a cig.

"Ah leave them be, Bailey needs the rest." Yvonne mentioned, fighting against a wriggling Zara, "Sam, she wants you mate." she laughed, passing the baby to me.

"She's a sucker for Uncle Sammy." Bradley gargled at the bairn as he passed me a mug.

"Right, let the embarrassment begin. Tyler, Sam and Yvonne yous get first choice of seats." Catherine announced as she sauntered into the kitchen with a smile on her face.

I was confused, but when I saw the telly I knew exactly what was going on.