Two Arts

Chapter 14

A.N. Thank you Rose!

I believe that together we will get through this one too.

Colin was kissing me, right there in the living room, with his big hands cupping my cheeks and his fingertips slipping through my hair, holding me—but not forcing me—in place, his fingers long and warm and rough from playing instruments, his lips always softer than expected, and his tongue needy and desperate.

I hated myself for being unable to not kiss him back.

Our kiss tasted of sadness and finality, it could've been a goodbye kiss, or maybe a 'don't leave me' kiss, but it was probably both.

I felt him inhale against my face and I could sense all of his anguish.

The slamming of my bedroom door had me step back.

Sadie.

Sudden shivers went down my skin and I wished I could've melted and disappeared through the floor cracks.

How many hearts could I break in one day?

The answer seemed to be three, Colin's, Sadie's, and my own.

I didn't even notice the warm streams of tears on my face until Colin's thumbs were brushing my cheeks dry.

"Love, we don't need to call it quits," He murmured so close to my face that I almost wanted to believe him.

How easy would it all have been if I could've just moved on and fallen as deeply in love with Colin as I had been with Sadie before, to have eyes just for him, to want just him, to be devoted to him in the same way I knew he was to me.

But life didn't come as one wished, for better or for worse it seemed to have its ways of doing its own thing. I wondered how much luck and how much chance were at play.

Sadie used to say 'With a little bit of planning and a little bit of luck' she'd get things to go her way, but I wondered how much power she actually had over anything then.

I was crying and Colin was crying and she certainly couldn't have been happy to watch me kiss my almost-ex-boyfriend. Not when I was so close to kissing her not long before.

The image that was breaking me the most was still sad Sadie storming out of the room. And I hadn't even seen it, just imagined it.

I hoped for Colin to remain oblivious. He didn't need the added heartache of knowing what role Sadie had played and who she was to me.

Ultimately my priority remained to protect her from any trouble, including Colin's possible judgment.

"We do though, I'm not the person that can make you the happiest," My voice didn't sound convincing, but it had to do.

"Cause I'm not the person that can make you the happiest?" He realized.

"I can't find enough words to apologize," I hoped he'd let me off the hook.

He nodded and sighed deeply while rubbing his freckles til his skin was flushed and red mixed with the light brown irregular dots.

"You said you guys weren't friends," Colin pointed at my closed bedroom door, "Seems pretty friendly."

I winced, there was no point in denying it, not when I had been told that Sadie had embarrassed him showcasing she knew my family members better than he did, "We were close when we were young."

"How come it never came up?" He sounded skeptical as if I was hiding something from him.

Was I? I shrugged, "I had no reason to bring it up, we weren't in touch."