~Sadie's POV~
I fancy Evelyn.
The thought kept repeating itself. It wouldn't leave my mind. What the hell is happening? Why do I feel like this? It was the first thing I thought of when I woke, and the last think I thought of before I drifted off to sleep. She was stuck in my head. I was consumed by her.
I thought of how it would be to hold her in my arms, how it would be to call her mine, how it would be to have a future with her. But in the end, these thoughts would fade away, because I knew, deep in my soul, that this could and would never happen. I wouldn't allow myself to think about her like that. I will only end up hurt anyway.
This is wrong. I don't know why I am feeling like this or how it happened, but I do know it has to stop. I have to make these feelings go away somehow. Shit, why? Why do I have to feel like this? I just keep giving myself false hope. It is never going to happen. She is a friend. Just a friend.
Even though I told myself that every day, these feelings wouldn't disappear. I thought it was just some crush that would eventually pass, but for some reason it never did. It turned into more than just a crush, which didn't exactly help me in the long run.
And for all I know she doesn't even like girls like that. That thought kind of helped a little, but it sucks to like someone you know could never like you, the way you like them. I care about her in a way I can't understand, but to her I am just a friend. She is just a friend.
~~~
Autumn. The ground is covered in leaves now. Yellow, orange and brown. Sometimes I even spot some red ones. The temperature is slowly falling, and there's more rainy days than sunny now. I genuinely love it. Big sweaters. Movie nights. Hot chocolate. All of it.
Just imagine watching movies with her in bed while it's raining. Or maybe reading to each other, or silently if she prefers it that way. Holding her hand, laying in her arms. Sometimes it's weird to think about her like that, but other times it feels natural. Like it actually could happen. But it won't.
"Sadie? Did you even hear what I was saying?" I heard Sophie say, but her voice was miles away, at least it was what it sounded like.
Her. She was sitting with Cora and Luna at another table, laughing. They are always laughing about something. I love that about them. Their smiles and laughter is contagious. Especially hers. Her smile. Oh my fucking god. I cannot really explain it. It's like everything stops, disappears, and then there is just her. Not her and me, but her. Like I am looking through a window from the outside, but it doesn't bother me. As long as I can look at her. See her smile, laugh. Admiring from afar. God, she's beautiful.
"Hmmm?" I said, but my eyes were still on her. I felt Sophie stare me down, and quickly snapped out of it.
I met her eyes as she said, "Thinking about someone?". I shook my head a little too fast, and came up with an excuse. I just mumbled something about the assignment in English. She smiled softly, and kept on talking. "I was wondering if you thought it was a good idea to gather the group for Halloween".
It took me some time to gather myself. "Oh, yeah, that would be great. We really don't see each other outside of school", I said, suddenly feeling happy. Spending time with her outside of school. Well, the others will be there too, but still she will be there.
"I know! I'll ask the others sometime during lunch", Sophie said, and her focus went back to the sketches she was scribbling on.
I looked down at my paper, only one sketch. Not even that, half of a sketch. Great. I spent all my time staring at her. Damn you, Evelyn.
