Ice, steel and shadows - ACOTAR au

Lilith

Feyre and I hadn't had a moment alone in days: we were either with Tamlin, Lucien, Amelia or all three, or we just had a lot of things to do and think about. I, for one, hadn't been able to keep the Suriel's words at bay.

They kept coming back at me, haunting me when I were asleep, but also when I were awake. The only person I'd told was Amelia: I knew her for so little, and she could probably crash me with a snap of her fingers, and yet, I'd come to considering her a friend. The first friend I'd ever had.

But Feyre was also my friend: my best friend and my sister. And I knew I had to talk to her, especially as she was growing closer and closer to Tamlin. Surprisingly, she was the one who came to me one morning after breakfast.

"Lilith?" She softly said, looking at me so openly, so vulnerably that I wanted to crash her in a hug. "Hey Feyre." I grinned. "Long time no see." "That's why I'm here. Come with me for a walk." I joined her immediately, finding the perfect opportunity to talk to her about everything: but she beat me to it.

As we walked underneath the wonderful blossoms in Tamlin's yard, Feyre paused and looked at me, a guilty look on her face. "Lilith, I need to tell you something." I slowly nodded, motioning for her to sit under a tree's shade, before sitting by her. "Tamlin and I talked the night before last night. And...and he told me something about our family." At that, my entire body froze. I hadn't thought of our family in a while, and hearing about them made my heart pound in my ears. If they were in danger- if they were in danger, I'd never be able to forgive myself. "What- what about them Feyre?" I managed, feeling my throat closing up.

My sister, probably sensing my panic, didn't hesitate before slipping her hand in mine, holding my fingers tightly. "No Lilith- that's the thing. They're perfectly safe. Tamlin glamoured their memories: they think we're living with a rich, dying aunt. And they also are somehow warned of a threat, and know that the moment things go wrong, they should run." I blinked. Opened my mouth and closed it. So...they were more than safe, not worried about us, and ready to run if things went to hell? I bit my lower lip, hard, drawing blood.

"I cried when Tamlin told me. He's helped them so much, Lilith." I shook my head, laying it on my sister's shoulder, keeping our hands entwined. "I'm so fucking glad they're safe, Feyre. They- I love them." "Me too. And miss them: every single day." I kept in my sister's embrace for a bit: we both needed it.

My heart ached that I had to pull away, but I also had things to tell her. "Feyre. I need to tell you a few things as well." She slowly nodded, eyes focused on me as I began speaking and telling her everything. It was so easy to get rid of all the burdens: everything flowed out of my mouth so very easily. When I was done, Feyre's eyes were filled with tears, and her hands were shaking.

"I'm sorry." I guiltily mumbled, hanging my head. "You've all been hiding so many things from me, for so long- and I felt guilty that I didn't tell you about our family the moment I knew?" She choked on a sob, and I moved to embrace her: it stung when she pulled away. "I can't- I can't do this right now Lilith. Facing that- those things alone? You could've died and I-" I knew she would've never forgiven herself. I knew and I still had done it. I probably would've done it again. And again.

"I'm sorry." Was all I could say. She stood up, dusted her pants off, and let the tears fall, looking at me in disgust. I didn't try to stop her when she turned around and stormed off.

I merely wrapped my arms around my legs, and stayed there until Alis dragged me in the house for dinner.

Dinner was very quiet that night: there was obvious tension between Feyre and Tamlin, which meant they'd had an argument. I couldn't but feel a tiny bit angry: at least she'd given him an argument. I was getting the silent treatment: she refused to even look at me.