"See you tomorrow."
"See you tomorrow."
We never used the word "goodbye" when we part ways. The word "goodbye" is too polite and unfamiliar; "see you tomorrow," "see you after lunch," or "see you on Monday" with a clear time frame can better reflect the sincerity between friends.
"Let's never say goodbye, okay?" Haerin tilted her head and said to me as she opened the soda tab with her index finger.
Before going to bed, I chatted with Haerin on KakaoTalk for a while, until the time slipped away; chatting till I can no longer open my eyes, and I can only see Haerin's face at the top of the chat interface. Nickname, a little cat emoticon. I've never gave anyone a nickname, except Haerin. To come clear, I do have selfish motives, everytime I look at that emoticon, I imagine as if I actually saw Haerin in person. Across the screen, comforting myself.
On one rainy day when both of us forgot to bring our umbrellas, we'll hide under the bridge for a while. The smell of rain, the smell of the damp mud mixed with dewy grass; the stale paint and the rust of abandoned bicycles create an odd atmosphere of memories. Haerin started humming the old songs we all loved at that time.
I always thought that if I had a dV, I would be able to
remember Haerin's song, her dancing hair and the sound of rain will them all locked in forever.
If we're lucky, we could wait till the rain stops. We walked from the dark dryness into the hot and humid light. Haerin always walks in front at this time, no matter what she is wearing, blue sneakers or black leather shoes that match her uniform, she always makes the same happy footsteps, leading me forward.
After walking for a while, she turned around. Against the reborn sun, I could barely see her face clearly, only a golden outline. She waved at me.
"Minji, let's go watch the frogs by the lake!"
"Race you there!"
I actually have a slight aversion to frogs but Haerin likes them. Their hideous appearance makes people sick just by staring at it, I don't understand what she likes about frogs. But as long as she likes it, I'll accompany her with anything she does.
As the sun sets, we would visit the playground and play on the swings. In the empty field, I pushed Haerin high up towards the aurora skies. I glanced at her golden brown hair flying upwards, unabashedly flamboyant like the sun.
What's on my mind? It's the hands of the clock slowly slipping away, it's biting the first popsicle in summer; it's the moment that I applied lipstick to your lips; it's the day you smiled at me for the first time.
If only these days could last forever...
The last box of packed items piled at the door. Haerin was standing in front of the window, her white nightgown falling down, pressed out the thin lines of her shoulders, her back became blurry, mixed
with the sunlight filtered by the curtains.
It's not difficult to say goodbye, nor is it difficult to separate. No matter how painful it is, it's just like tearing off a band-aid that you forgot to tear off; stepping on a piece of glass that you forgot to pick up, bumping into a bed rail that you forgot the height of.
It's still the same piece of skin, it just triggers a neurological reaction-Pain has no entity, so it should be ignored.
I opened my mouth wanting to say something, but I preferred silence. Haerin stood like a sculpture, with the golden afterglow jumping between her scattered hair, giving rise to a divine radiance for no reason. I ended up leaving only a letter written in advance.
Standing at the airport customs entrance, dragging a huge suitcase, I waved to Haerin. I'm leaving and moving to the other side of the world, this just might be the end. She stared into my eyes, looking at me deeply and hard, as if she wants to keep in mind every piece of me in her heart forever.
"Haerin, it's time for me to leave."
"When will you come back?"
I smiled helplessly, "I don't know, two years from now? Three years from now? Or longer. Didn't we talked about this many times?"
"Then," Haerin recreated the smile she had when we first met, paused for a moment and uttered out softly, "goodbye."
"Read my letter when you go back." Those two words broke me completely, I hurriedly finished what I had to say and turned around, left without looking back at the girl.
It's my sudden half turn, it's the suitcase tilting because of running; it's the tears that can't be retained in my eyes that wet my eyelashes, washing onto my cheeks; it's when the plane takes off and I gaze at the clouds outside the window.
Haerin, see you soon, right?
-
Dear Haerin,
If having a crush has a color, I think it would be blue-gray, somewhere between blue loneliness and gray despair. In fact, I knew from the beginning that our story would never be followed by chapters...
From the moment I have you, I'm counting down to losing you.
I never thought that the day of separation would actually come. But the past is the past, I am different from what I used to be, I would think about how to say goodbye to you when we part ways. Like now, after thinking about it, there are no suitable words that can replace the years we have been together. Maybe what can really be replaced is time, memories, and the sorry that has been unspeakable for a long time. I hope that we can see each other again, but I am afraid that we will just pass by each other and become strangers once again.
I think that we don't need to say 'goodbye' when leaving, and I could just look into your eyes quietly, because I think the eyes are the windows of the soul, they can replace everything and tell you what I can't say.
See you soon.
Minji.
