A true and depressing story

Old man with a long saggy butt

My big fat booty 🍑 drags along the slimy pickled hallway as I waddle to class. Today is my first day of school ever— I'm 69 years old, but I've never been to school cuz I'm quirky. 😝😝😝

I take a glance at my schedule that's conveniently printed on a wrinkly old constipated piece of paper. Advisory in room 24601🇫🇷🥖. Aah~😫, so that's where it is.

I look up and see a long staircase leading to my advisory classroom. This staircase is longer than my a$s... I slowly stride up the staircase, my cheeks slamming into every step. Ouchie, this is gonna hurt tomorrow, I think to myself.

Once I reach the top I stick my hand on the boobalishes door handle and open it up.

I step inside and get greeted by the faces of a bunch of ugly nose picking diarrhea dumb preschoolers. I'm way hotter than them🔥🔥🔥🥵🥵🥵. Those little R-words look at me with their owl like noses and their doughnut shaped lips then began chattering.

"SILENCE!" A woman—who I assume is the teacher— yells.

Damn... she's so demanding... I like that...kinda turns me on.😋😋😋😫😫😫

"WE HAVE A NEW STUDENT TODAY! HIS NAME IS BILLY CURTIS, MAKE HIM FEEL EFFING WELCOME HERE!!!" She continues.

I should probably explain something. You see, my last name is Curtis because I'm the secret 4th extra scrumptious oldest ultra Curtis brother. I know that most be shocking but it's true, I'm Billy Curtis. And man, I was pissed when I found out I wasn't in the book The Outsiders like the rest of my brothers😤😤😤. AND I STILL AM MAD BC WTF!!! THAT BEACH S. E. HILTON DIDNT WRITE ME IN THE BOOK! SHE ACTED LIKE EFFING PONYBOY IS BETTER THAN ME!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!

Anyway, sorry 'bout that uwu. I just got kinda carried away.

"Hi children," I greet in an groggy scratchy voice, before using my rump as a chair.

The gremlins look at me again before yelling,

"EW WHY IS HIS BUTT SO BIG"

"HES SO WRINKLY"

"HIS BUTT IS THE WRINKLY-EST"

"THIS IS GROSS"

"OMG HIS NECK IS SO VEINY AND SAGGY"

"NOT AS SAGGY AS HIS CHEEKS"

"WHY IS HE NAKED"

"EWWWWWWWWWWW"

"THAT BUTTS BIGGER THAN BILLY WILLIES CHIN"

"BRO IT LOOKS LIKE HE HAS SKIN CANCER"

"I THINK HIS BUTT ALSO HAS CANCER"

"HIS BALLS ARE SMALL"

"NASTY"

"HE NEEDS PLASTIC SURGERY"

"WOW HE HAS A CANE I COULDNT SEE IT CUZ OF HOW BIG HIS BUTT IS"

"WAIT I THINK HES  ACTUALLY WEARING REALLY TINY LINGERIE"

"JESUS THAT BUTT IS LIKE 94738FT LONG"

"HES A CRIPPLE WITH A HUGE BUTT"

"HES SO UGLYYYYY"

Ugly... that word brings me back to my past... my brother Darrel— who always acts like he's the oldest and most responsible— used to call me ugly all the time... he used to say stuff like "YOU UGLY FREAK SHOW WHY TF DONT YOU HAVE A JOB!?!? WE NEED MONEY SO OUR YOUNGER BROTHERS DONT GET PUT IN A GROUP HOME YOU UGLY USELESS OLD RAT!!!!!!!" I hate him... and I hate being called ugly because of that...

I dash up to the little roach who called me ugly and swallow her with my crusty musty saggy booty.

"AGGHHHAHAGAGAGAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHSHDJISHDBXKAHSJSJJA" I screech.

After doing this I drop dead for no reason... I guess you could say I'm, "drop dead gorgeous"