Just My Type

seven days.

March, 2079

There were many days when she was never much on my mind...yet I always failed in recalling a single one of it now. I still remember how she said that every passing moment is the passing of life, and I wonder...

...why am I still suffering the hours of being alone and...

...how long do I still have to wait...to suffer...until I see my love again?

It isn't much of a life without her - not that I'm complaining. I just miss her...dearly, do I miss her. I miss her so much that I'm almost angry of it...

...of her...of life...

...is that even possible?

It must be. Especially at this hour...where the sun hits the highest blooms of the Yoshino Cherry tree in our backyard. The branches are shallow so we never could build a house up there. The sky is turning darker by the seconds...but it still stands dreamy...just like her. Another half an hour and it will be dramatic. That too, like her. When spring is over, the grass below will turn into a field of whites and pinks...romantic, she once said. 

I have lived for eighty-two years...but I've only felt alive for fifty years. She was non-existent to me before...and she had left me again after. Twelve years...I had to live on without her again for twelve years. I've made promises when both of us knew that I wouldn't be able to keep it. How could I, when she's not by my side?

There were many days when I wondered why she picked me. She said I was beautiful...but I still find it hard to believe that it's true. Or maybe I never wanted it to be true. That I wished I was more...something so lively that could make me feel deserving of her. I don't know much, even after those fifty years. All I know now is that when the night falls, my heart will weep again...just for her. 

Dearly...painfully...do I miss her.

...

March, 2017

"Kook! Wait up -"

I managed to turn halfway before finding the sight of Park Jimin, hopping cheerfully towards where I stand. 

"My friend's here so..." I hinted towards the girl whose name I can't recall, even though I was sure she'd just mentioned it about two minutes ago. I can't help it. I'm really bad at memorising who's who anymore. 

I'm still getting the hang of how things are around here. By here, I mean Seoul. Seoul National University to be exact. It had been a year and 9 months, and I'm ashamed of myself for still being a prick when it comes to faces and names. All I could retain are the ones who Jimin had introduced me to since the start of my 'adventures' here. That was what my mother calls it - an adventure. I still don't know what she's expecting though. 

Growing up as a foreigner in Hong Kong and spending the rest of my still-foreign teenage life in Japan had sort of moulded the apathetic me apparently. That's what she said to my father, at least. That I'd been raised with just going along with what they wanted and had no freedom of my own. I still couldn't get the grasps of it so maybe she's right. I simply don't care where I am. I did what was expected by the book - be a good son, get good grades, eat, sleep, repeat. That was normal to me. 

But them 'dumping' me here after my one-time of 'wow' at a painting while they continued living in Japan brought a new normal - going from being invisible in society and the said eat, sleep, and repeat, to being halted by 'friends' and strangers every thirty or so steps. I get asked out often here, especially around the university grounds, just like the encounter I just had with the girl I couldn't recall the name of just now.