Behind Closed Doors

42

“How’d it go?” Tom asked me as I crawled into bed that night after showering. My hair was still wet, but I didn’t care. I laid in bed and faced the wall, my blinks slow. 

“I couldn’t find him.” I lied, sniffling and pulling the duvet over my face. “Good night, Thomas.” I murmured, and I heard him shuffle a little before he jumped off the bed. I feel my bed dip slightly and then he's laying behind me, signing heavily. "What are you doing?" I murmured. 

"I feel sorry for you, you know." He mumbled, and I slowly pulled the duvet off of my face and turned around to face him. He was staring at the bottom of his bunk on top of us, his hands underneath his head. My eyebrows furrowed and my eyes darkened as I watched him. "I've never been in love, mate, and you're not making it look very appealing." He chuckled, and I pressed my lips together. 

"I'm glad you're finding this amusing, Tom-" 

"Let me finish, man. If I've learnt anything from your escapades in the last few months, it's that… whatever you feel about Antony Barbosa, it's really strong. And… it'll take you a while to get over this and move on, but you will." He swallowed, turning his head to glance at me. He blinks slowly, his lips pressed together tightly. "You're almost eighteen, Theodore. You don't have time to be moping around and feeling depressed about a lad who couldn't give two shits about you or how you feel." 

"You think it's difficult to fake feelings, Tom?" I asked him softly, pulling the duvet up to my chin. "Because I don't… I don't think he was faking anything. Maybe a part of him did give a shit about me. Even if it was, like, a quarter of a shit." 

"Try one tenth." Tom scoffs, laughing a little. "But, even if he did, Theo, you deserve more than a guy who gives a shit about you. You deserve someone who would go to the ends of the Earth for you and someone who would stand up to his father and your brother when they tell him to stay away from you. That's what you deserve, and I don't want you to settle for less." He tells me, and I blink across at him, my lips quivering slightly. 

So many emotions ran through my mind and I don't know how to regulate them or keep them at bay. It kept bubbling and bubbling and I knew that sooner or later, it would topple over. 

"I can't believe you told him to leave me alone." I scoffed, running my hands over my face. Thomas's breath hitches from beside me before he lets out a little chuckle. 

"Aah. So, you did find him." He says quietly, and I realise that there's no point lying. I also realised that Tom was right. There's no point moping around and feeling depressed over this. There's no point staying in bed and crying because I've had my heart broken by a guy who ignored me for two weeks. Yeah, this whole thing sucks, and yeah, it'll take me a long time to get over it, but I will. I'll get over it. That's what life is about, right? Getting your heart broken by the wrong guy and eventually finding the right guy. 

Part of me just couldn't help but wonder… What if Antony is the wrong guy and the right guy all rolled into one? 

"Here's what you're gonna do, Theo." Thomas says, tapping my cheek with the back of his fingers. "You're gonna put your head down at college and work your arse off to get a scholarship to University, and then, when this year is over, you're gonna get the fuck out of here and do everything you can to become a lawyer, and you're gonna be the best chuffing lawyer South London has ever seen." He tells me, and I lick my lips, nodding my head.

"Okay." I say softly, and Thomas nods his head. "Okay, yeah, that's what I'll do." I told him. He hums in understanding before leaning and pressing a quick kiss to my forehead. 

"I love you, mate." He says, jumping off of my bed. He pulls himself into his own and I stare up at him, feeling a little bit better than I did an hour ago. 

"Thank you, Tom. You're a great brother." 

"Yeah, whatever. I didn't ask for you to be born."