Make Me Ugly

ASS aka Austin Stork's Speciality

David's POV

As I left the library, I gave myself a mental pat on the back for manning up and asking Collie out. Of course she might've taken it as a friend asking a friend to dinner but it's clearly not that. The tension was too real for it to be completely platonic.

If you're wondering about Jessica, I don't know what to say besides I cracked and gave into tutoring her. There's more to the story but I'd rather just say I was drunk and horny so I've made a few mistakes.

I waited and waited for Collie to text me. Good lord! It's been like 2 hours! I, of course, had forgotten she had no means of contact with me as she had given me her number. The second I realized that I whipped out my phone to text her. I created a new contact and everything before realizing I had no smooth way to woo her. In fact, I almost settled for the typical "hey" that would bore her to tears. I wasn't sure how to "woo" a girl because if you come on too strong you are pushy and creepy. You've got to make some move or the girl won't give you a second glance. Well, now I'm rambling like I know what I'm doing but clearly I'm just a bumbling bloke who desperately needs guidance in the love department.

I decided to call up my best friend Austin because Austin Stork was the guy to go to, the man with a plan.

"Hey, dude. So I have a dilemma..."
I chose my words carefully as I knew Austin would tease me endlessly if I just outright told him what I needed help with.

"Are you having issues with your prepubescent body again?" I could already visualize Austin's famous Stork Smirk.

"No, you dipshit."

"Does this issue involve a lady friend?" He was clearly trying to get a rise out of me.

"Call it what you like."

"Oh my, Davey, have you got your eye on an attractive member of the opposite sex." He teased me.

"Why do I feel like talking to you is a waste of my precious time?" I said annoyed that my best friend was just as mature as he was when he was 16.

"Oh but Davey, Austin Stork advice is a treasured gem amongst men of all sorts. Luring women into my bed is my specialty. I call is ASS for Austin Stork's Specialty." He was preaching to me like I was a ten year old boy who had just discovered he was into girls.

"How classy of a name and how appropriate for an idiot like yourself to give it such a name." I commented.

"So first tell me how you met this lucky lady." Austin instructed.

•••

After telling him an abridged version of how I met Collie, Austin had been put in verbal time out for his lack of a filter when commenting on things such as whether or not I was a sketchy pedophile offering ice cream and did Collie have a nice rack.

"Okay, now that I've told you how I met her, help me out." I said.

"I, Austin Stork, man genius, will bestow upon you, young cricket, my knowledge and wisdom." He spoke in a dramatic tone.

"Well, first I got her number but she didn't get mine."

"I can guarantee you that she's waiting for a text." Austin said glancing at my phone.

"So what should I say?" I asked.

•••

Colleen's POV

I had no friends to pester or shop with as I waited and watched my phone like it was a ticking bomb about to explode. Of course I was melting inside as I tortured myself with thoughts like "Did he change his mind about dinner?" and "What if he's with that Jessica chick?"

I groaned loudly and fell back on my bed. I knew what I needed but I also knew the risk.

•••

If there was one thing I wanted, it was to make things right with Clay and Addison. I never said goodbye to them anyways though I saw them in the halls everyday. Clay seemed to have a permanent scowl on his face. He was bothered by something and I knew I was that something. Was it even okay to go back as Colleen Florence for one last time? I wanted a do-over so why would I consider taking a step backwards?

I decided to go shopping. Not as Collie and not as little Ms. Barbie but as Colleen. The real Colleen.

•••

I missed my BMW and my perfect life. I stared longingly at my old closet. Choosing an outfit shouldn't be this hard but I'm choosing something that isn't hideous for the first time in a long time. I put on a lacy tank top and some high waisted shorts paired with my favorite gladiator sandals. I realized I didn't have much of a plan when it came to how I was going to go from Collie to this new and improved Colleen. The keys to my BMW shimmered on their hook and I quickly forgot about my troubles as I grabbed the keys and got in my BMW.

•••
Half way to the mall, my car broke down. Why? It had no gas. Of course it didn't have gas! I'm such an idiot. I started dialing AAA for help.

Quick note: hey, if you want more warm and fuzzy fuzzies accompanied with the feels then check out my other book He's Just a Toy. I promise it'll make you grin ear to ear at the character's endearing awkwardness and sassiness.