Bandages and Salt (PJO X BSD AU)

Chapter fifty-one

A/N: This chapter is a rewrite of The Day I Picked Up Dazai in Dazai's POV

Dazai POV

It didn't take me long to realize that the postman recognized the darkness in my eyes, as if he had once held it in his own. Though he didn't seem to hold the same sentiments that I did on the prospect of life, I knew that he could somehow identify my own. I also knew that he didn't understand them, that he might never, he seemed to know that I knew.

No one that I have come across has ever truly understood me, and it seemed that no one ever would. He seemed to know this as well.

That was why I started with silence, only speaking when it was absolutely needed of me. My demeanor has almost always had a certain effect to it back at headquarters. It was something that made men that would normally not bed for anyone all but break. I knew from experience that this would be the easiest place to start, but the only person that seemed to be affected by the at strategy was myself, (though it could be that the image was ruined by my being bound by sheets and towels, folded in them almost like a small child), frustration bubbled up inside of me.

The stranger knew that he was the only thing standing between me and that which I seek, but he didn't even seem to take any true pleasure in thwarting me. Instead he remained unfailingly calm.

Maybe that was why when I found the strength to loosen the restraints enough to escape after a few days, I chose not to make any move to leave.

There was still a puzzle that I needed to solve before I could leave.

So I switched tact.

Aside from the spotting moments of snark, sass, or dry wit that the postman might exclude should the proper amount of caffeine or simple energy not be in his system, he held tightly to the amount of inhuman legelheadness that he's possessed since we've met. He didn't inquire about anything, not truly, only going as far as to ask my name so that he would know what to call me while I was with him.

I didn't extend the same interest, deciding that I shouldn't give the boss such an easy way to identify the strange postman should he ask. And I knew that he would.

But I knew for a fact that no one was infallible, that he would have a line where the postman was sure to snap once it was crossed. I very much wanted to be the one to push him across. A sickening part of me, a part that I knew with absolute certainty came from spending the past almost three years in the doctor's presence, wanted to know just what violence it took to become so gentle.

It was an experiment.

The thought alone made me sick, but I persisted with it anyways.

I knew that complaining was something that drove those with authority up the wall and I knew for a fact that I was very good at finding faults, so I started there.

I complained about the man's nursing, the meals that he chose, the clothes that he wore, that the food was too hot as he fed it to me, that he did so too quickly (it was a perfect temperature, but I couldn't bring myself to eat anymore).

The most genuine of my complaints was about the book that he chose to read to me. It was a dull thing that was tattered from repeated use... and was missing the last chapters. I could easily predict the ending all on my own if I wished to do so, but it had been a long time since I'd been read to, so I had chosen to let my mind slow and found myself rightfully miffed when I realized that the ending wasn't even there at all.

Through it all though, the postman held a certain knowledgeable light to his eyes, a light that I knew all too well. The stranger knew that it was all just some kind of ploy, an attempt to disparage the older man so that he would cast me aside. It was a trick that I had found worked well with everyone foolish enough to try and attempt becoming close to me during my time with the Port Mafia, but the infuriating bastard only seemed to take pride in my efforts. He seemed to know that his nursing was more than adequate, especially when put in contest with the doctor's, though I was more than sure he didn't know about that. But he knew that I knew his care was adequate as well.