Call Out My Name|| Tom Kaulitz

reminds me of childhood memories.

Pearl's POV

Me and Tom didn't talk at all, that night.
I knew something was wrong with him, but he refused to talk to me, and that made feel both worried and hurt.
I would've wanted for him to trust me enough to completely open up to me, to tell me what was causing his pain the same way I did with him, instead of putting up a wall between us.

At 2 A.M. I got up from the bed, since I couldn't fall asleep anymore.
I had a thousand thoughts in my head, which made me believe that I was the problem, I was the reason he didn't fell secure enough to talk to me.
Maybe I wasn't enough for him, maybe he found somebody else who made him feel better.

I walked into the bathroom to wash my face, to then sit on the edge of the sink.
I felt powerless, I hated seeing Tom suffer, and the thought of not being able to understand what was going through this head, - not being able to do anything to fix it, - made me feel useless.

I felt all the negative thoughts resurface inside my brain, thoughts that I thought I had finally left behind. Instead, they yelled even louder than before.

Useless, worthless, replaceable, were the words that kept on popping in my head as if they were bright signs.
I felt extremely selfish as well, thinking about the fact that I was hurting when it was so clear that he was the one who needed help, and I needed to put myself aside.

I tried to bury all those thoughts and emotions, and just when I was stepping out of the bathroom, I saw Tom standing right in front of the the door.

'Hey', he said kissing my forehead, with an hand on my cheek.

'Can't sleep?', he asked, and I shook my head, resting it on his chest.

'Can I ask you something?', I asked, and after waiting for his positive response, and I stepped away from him to look at him.

'Is there someone else?', he looked at me confused, almost shocked.

'What do you mean?'

'I mean, are you seeing someone else? I just want to know, because if it's me who's causing this pain in you, I just want to know', I whispered to him, with a faint voice.
'I wouldn't be mad, I just want to see you happy, but if being with me is preventing you from being happy, please just tell me.'

'Hey, stop', he cut me off, putting his hands on my face.
'I love you, Pearl. There's no one else.'

'Then why are you not talking to me? Why are you not happy?', I asked him whispering, trying to hold the tears back.

Tom closed his eyes sighing and resting his forehead against mine.

'I'm happy when I'm with you', he said, 'it's just...', he didn't finish his sentence, therefore I put my hands on his arms, trying to give him some sort of comfort and courage to keep going, but it wasn't enough.

'I'm sorry Pearl, for making you think you were the problem', he said, 'I just can't talk about it right now, please try to understand that.'

I nodded, because I couldn't do anything else.
I couldn't force him to talk to me when he clearly wasn't able to, it wouldn't have been fair.

Feeling even more powerless than before, I went back to lay on the bed next to Tom, who dragged me against his body and hugged me.
He fell asleep almost immediately, with his head against my back, but I couldn't sleep all night long, not being able to turn my mind off even for a split second.

Tuesday, 5 P.M.

A few days passed from that interview, and even if I saw Tom a bit happier, I still felt him distant.