My heart for you...

chapter 6

Y/N POV

Today is going to be a hard day for our actors. We planned to shoot two of the many fighting scenes. That always ment to do the scene several times, so that we could film it from different perspectives.

Flo and Scarlett are still in the mask so I have enough time to check if the stunt doubles are ready if needed and that all the saftey instructions are beeing followed.

I hate this part of work, but everything has to be perfect so we have enough time to film the planed scenes today.

"Oh come Scar. You know I know my lines!", I hear Flo complain as both of them enter the set.
"You better do, because today is going to be hard and the faster the better for you", I explain.

Scarlett seemes ready to fight as if Natasha Romanoff is her second identity. Flo comes to her seat to drink something before getting to filming.
"Be careful FloFlo", I tell her a little worried about her wellbeing. Okay a little worried is an understatement...
"Will be", she chukles before heading torwards Scar.

"Okay, everyone ready?", I ask into the room and after I get the go we start filming.

The first scene on the plan for today only requires the role of Natasha and Taskmaster. It is set on a bridge where Natashas car gets blown up and flips over several times. She than has to fight Taskmaster to get herself to safety. After 5 takes we have the scene perfected. I decid to give everyone a 30 minute break because the next scene wouldn´t be less exhausting.

After the break the fight team discusses the scene one last time with Flo and Scar before they get startet. Now they are no longer Flo and Scar, for the moment they are Yelena and Natasha.

Nathasha stands opposite from Yelena both pointing a gun at the other one. Natasha walks forward to get Yelena to the back who stumbles abit over a doorstep. They now stand infront of eachother in the kitchen, starring at eachother and changing guns twice. Yelena then is able to take Natasha´s gun, she holds her opponents arm turns her around and throws her into the doorframe. Natasha gets free and takes Yelena by her throat, slaming her into a hanging cuppurd and than pressing her head into the sink while telling her to stay down.

It is as if the world slowed down. The second Flo is slammed into that cuppord and Scar tells her to stay down more than once, while pushing her head into the sink, I get triggerd.

I feal my heart speed up and it gets hard to breath. My mind gets flooded with the memories of my father slaming me into the kitchen walls.

Before anyone could say something I run out into the next bathroom and shut the door close. My breathing gets more and more rapid. Tears are streaming down my face. I sit down desperatly trying to breath and to fight the flashback. It was no use because the flashback won and I had to go through it all again.
>> My own father takes me by my throat and slammes me into the cupbords hanging on the walls, so hard that I could feel my ribs break. He pushes my face into the hot water that is still in the sink because I was about to clean the dirty plates that are now broken under my back. While wispering into my ears to stay down and bequiet he cuts of my pants and beginns to rape me like several times before. I can do nothing more than staying quiet and wait till it´s over...<<

I finally come out of the flashback as I feal a warm hand on my arm. A female voice trying to calm me down. My breathing is still too flat and rapid and I get no oxygen into my lungs.
I frantically search the room for something familiar. Then suddenly my eyes meat the hazelnut eyes of Flo. I see that she tries to talk to me but I can´t hear her due to the ringing in my ears.

I reconise her trying to show me how to breath so I take some deep shaky breaths, till I eventually calm down enough, to hear again.

"That´s good, your doing a great job. Everything is fine, you´re safe her. Try to take some deap breaths for me Y/N. There you go", she calms me down with her british accent, worry lacing her words.
After what feals like an eternety my breathing finally stabelises. Flo sits next to me holding me close, tears still streaming.

"You okay?", she askes careful not to startle me. I´m still not able to speak again so I just shake my head no. Normally I would be embarrest and run away but I feal safe with Flo.
"Okay, you stay here and I change into my clothes real quick. Than I´m gonna grab your and mine stuff and bring you home", she tells me slowly so I could process everything.

After 10 minutes she comes back and helps me up. I am moving on autopilot staring into distance my mind still filled with the abusive memories of my father and all my trauma.

When we arrive at my house Flo lets us in with my keys. She sits me down on the sofa before making me some tea. After a while she comes back with two cups of tea and something comfy for me to change into.

I somehow manage to change clothes and sit in the corner of the sofa, still not fully aware of my surroundings.

"Thank you Flo", is the first thing I say, sounding a little raspy.
"Not for that. Wanna talk about what happend?", she askes me careful not to overstep.
I think for a moment, then take a deap breath and say: "I had a panik attack with a flashback."
"Do you know what it triggerd?", she askes calmly.
"Your fighting with Scarlett", I take a moment to organize my thoughts before continuing.
"My father he... he wasn´t kind of the careful father a girl wishes for. He was an alcoholic and very abusive. He started to abuse me verbally and physically from the age of 4 and got more cruel from my 7th birthday on then he started to sexually abuse me. It finally ended when I turned 18 and went to college. I went to the police and reportet him he luckily got lifelong in prison", I tell her tears now streaming my face down once again.
Flo doesn´t say anything she just hugs me and holds me while I crie.
"One day he did the same thing thad you did in the scene. The only difference beeing that in the sink was hot water and he pushed my face into it while raping me", I finish the story so she knows what the flashback was about.

"I´m so sorry that you had to go through something so traumatizing", she whispers into my ear.
"It´s okay, I worked through it in therapy. Today was just the first flashback and panick attack in a long time", I ressure her.
"That still doesn´t change the fact, that you shouldn´t have had to go through something like that", she once again tells me.

Silence filles the room. Flo puts the TV on that I didn´t pay attention to. I am still in her embrace smelling her comforting scent of vanilla and rosmarin. She draws little shapes on my arm and I soon drift of to sleep due to the exhaustion.