To,
Spring's first flower,
Today I lay awake on my bed. The night seem to be so long for past 2months. I was listening to a song that was suppose to distract my mind from you. However,I barely listen to the lyrics. I went to my friend's birthday a week ago. There was this new person I meet there. A friend's friend.My friends said they were very outgoing and nice. They initiated a Convo with me. I was mad. I don't know why. Maybe because I don't like someone approaching me with that intention. "I'll head back inside first." It wasn't your fault. Dear stranger. I just lost the ability to like someone anymore. You were too nice. Too nice for me to have.
I went home early that day. Only to surround myself with ur belongings left with me. I drown myself in the river of despair. Will I step forward? Will I forget you? someone said to me that I'll. "You will find someone new like always. Remember you used to have a crush on somebody so soon?" Yeah, I do...
Than what's the matter this time? I refuse to let go. Not now. Not soon. Maybe...not ever. I want to keep you. I want to keep you in a way I wouldn't be able to hurt u. So I decided to keep you in my heart. It's the worst place to be. It has no feeling or warmth. But I will keep you in the part which is still alive. I'm selfish. Didn't I told u? than why still try? why still hurt urself? I was sinking down in the river of despair. Day by day. I wanted u so badly. Now I only want to be numb. to be left alone. To be able to hurt less ppl. Hey,I love your smile. I love Your eyes. I guess for a long time. Meet me in our memories. I'd rather stay in them. Don't come to me again. Just meet me in our memories. I want to keep you..
But knowing this time you won't be back...breaks me down in million pieces again And again.
And I fear....that I have to wake up in this reality everyday for the rest of my life.
From,.
Autumn's first Wind...
