Izzy & Noah ✔️

Fifty: The Patterns We Inherit

˝Nothing much, I was just talking to Katy, she called me, what about you? ˝ I ask curiously.

˝I brought you coffee and croissants if you want to eat? ˝ Somewhere between a question and a statement, I'm not sure.

˝Oh, thank you. ˝ he puts the food in front of me and sits down in a nearby chair.

˝Izzy, I think the time has come for us to talk about a lot of things, about everything that has happened in the last few days, ˝ he says seriously.

I swallow and my hands start to sweat, I shift a little in my chair, what does he mean?

What does he want?

I pluck up the courage to say. Say what's on your mind. Two weeks until the radiotherapy, two weeks of life, everything can change and that's what I fear most, that everything will be different.

As you know, I don't have much left. He laughs.

I look at him as if I'm a bit strange. Why is he laughing?

˝I'm sorry, I know this could be a serious conversation, but it's a bit tragic, funny. ˝ he says, half laughing.

I look at him strangely. This conversation has gone off the rails.

˝What were you going to say? ˝ I ask again.

I want to be patient, but my anxiety is growing.

˝Yes, I've been thinking a lot lately about all this, about our relationship. I know things are busy and there have been a lot of bad days lately, sometimes because of me, sometimes because you are having a bad day. Maybe I don't tell you enough how much I appreciate everything you do for me; how much I really love you. You probably understand that I didn't imagine this in my life, I thought I was going to live a long and full life, but nevertheless this illness has taught me something and that is to be grateful for every good day I have, for everything that happens, for waking up in the morning. Grateful also for you and your support. ˝ he says.

My eyes water, but this time not from sadness, but from all the love.

˝I know that I have not been the best support lately, because it seems to me that everything I know, everything that is familiar to me, is falling apart and I admit that I am afraid of everything that is going to happen, because you really are one of the rays of hope in my life and you have taught me so much in this short time. ˝ I say looking at him.

The love of my life.

A love that has an expiration date, but will live forever in my heart.

"Just promise me that when I'm gone, you'll live on. ˝ he says.

˝I can't make that promise to you because I don't know what it will be like, but I do know it will be the hardest trial I will ever face. ˝ I reply.

Noah wipes the tear that runs down my cheek with his hand.

The man who stole my heart.

˝What do you think about inviting Grandma for lunch or dinner today so that we can finally get together? ˝ he asks.

˝ I agree, I think it's about time the three of us got together. ˝ I smile sincerely.

My heart is warm.

He pulls me into his arms and squeezes me tightly, as if he knows that everything is about to change.

He leaves the dining room, takes the phone out of his pocket and calls his grandmother.

They talk a bit, I don't listen, they laugh a bit.

I'm sitting in a chair, but it seems to me that my feelings are completely numb.