The Lost Stark

Where we belong.

~Harper
The sound of the door closing behind my mother made me flinch internally, as I was thrust into the moment I had feared for the past three days. I truly wasn't expecting them to be awake by the time I returned to my chambers. I had hoped that, with it being so late, they might have decided to go to bed. Maybe I should have spent more time with Rickon, easing his worries about where he fits now that my mother reappeared with twins from her and my father's marriage. Surely, that would have been better than sitting in awkward silence with the one person I was once so close to.
In all honesty, if Rickon truly felt like he didn't belong any longer, maybe I should feel the same. Both of our parents have died. Yes, my father claimed me, but that doesn't make us blood. Now that she has a trueborn heir, she and Daenerys might feel differently about the lines of succession or even loving us now they have twins that can pass on the names and titles the proper way. I mean, if it'll get me out of marrying someone I don't want to, then sure, I will support it. But at the same time, where does this leave me? Rickon is the rightful heir to Winterfell after my father, well, now Lyanna and Torrhen. He will always have a place.
As for myself, I guess I could ask for my family's old farm back, maybe do it right this time and try to grow a proper harvest. Or maybe I could return to Meereen, possibly join the Second Sons. I have a feeling Daario would be happy if I returned to him. Maybe instead of moving to Casterly Rock, he would be happy to stay in Meereen, and if he isn't, we could spend our days venturing all over Essos, maybe beyond, going up to the Shivering Sea or further south past Qarth. Ugh, I hate that my father isn't here to talk to. She always has a way of making me at ease with my thoughts.
"Harper?" I hear her speak for the first time. The sound of her voice brings the memory of her hugging me goodbye to the surface, along with her promise to come back to me. But she didn't. She went off, had her twins, and became Queen, twice, three times if you count marrying the folly King Renly. Either way, she went back on her promise. Did she mean the words in her letter, or were those false promises too?
Pulling myself together, I slowly look up into the green eyes I had missed so much and once looked forward to seeing every morning of the short time we were mother and daughter. "Margaery," I answer her quietly, not sure if she wants me to even call her my mother anymore. My heart stutters at the visible flinch she gives at her name. I didn't mean to hurt her feelings, but I would rather be respectful of her wishes rather than assume she loves me and get rejected.
"Daenerys said that you received my letter."
"I did," I confirm, nodding my head.
"I want to say I'm sorry,"  she whispered then cleared her throat. She lets out a sigh and stands to her feet. "I should have tried to write more, to stay in contact with you."
"Your here now," I state, channeling my emotions to stay nonchalant. I give her a shrug and gesture to her. "Why are you here? Why not go back to Highgarden, or even Dorne?"
"It's was not safe for us or the twins in either place anymore. With Cersei sitting on the Throne thinking she killed Loras and me when she blew the Sept of Baelor apart, it was safer for us to come here. To be with your father and you."
Without meaning to, a harsh angry laugh escapes my lips. "When it's not safe for you and your children, that's when you decide to come find us," I nod my head.
"Harper, I wanted to come back to you the moment I left," she whispers as tears gather in her eyes. "I never wanted to leave you."
"But you did. The moment you were free of Renly Baratheon, you could've come. Instead, you married the ones who are responsible for the death of my grandfather, uncle, and grandmother," I spat out, growing angrier with every word.
"I didn't have a choice." She responds quickly.
"If my father has taught me anything, it's that every person will be faced with choices they are forced to make. You had the choice, and you chose it."
"Your father made Loras and me vow to do whatever we had to do in order to survive, Harper. I did my best with was was given to me so I could fulfill that vow," she shot right back but recoiled quickly and took a deep breath. "I know there are conversations that you were not privy to, but do not ever think for a second that you and your family were ever far from my thoughts." She takes a cautious step forward. "I did not want to marry Renly, Joffrey, or Tommen. My father had used me as a pawn to further himself under the false pretense of gaining power. If the choice was truly mine to make, I would have taken the twins and left Dorne the moment I heard of Renly's death in order to find you and your father."
I shake my head, trying to get rid of the angry thoughts I was urging to scream at her. "I want to believe that you're telling the truth, but I can't," I feel my voice break. "I wish that you being back and you telling me all this washes away the countless nights I cried and prayed to the gods for you to come for me like you promised, but it doesn't," I whisper as my heart breaks from the overwhelming weight of hurt it's holding onto. "I want to forgive you and be the child you once loved but I don't know how to."
"I don't want you to be her, I want you to be the woman you have been growing to be." She closes the gap between us swiftly, her hands cupping my face. "I will do whatever it takes to prove to you that I am not lying," she pleads with silent tears falling down her face. "You are my daughter, Harper. I swear it on everything I am that I would never intentionally hurt you or your father."
Thoughts of what Rickon said about feeling replaced seep into my mind, causing a dark swarm of thoughts to cloud her words. Gently, I take her hands in mine and pull them away from my face. "Despite what Alexandria tells me about people having two mothers, all I can think about is that you have your own children, a daughter and son of your own," I say softly. "Maybe you should focus your attention on them for the moment, and possibly with time, I can trust in your promises again." I advise her softly not able to shake the hurt from my voice.
"As I said, Harper, I will do whatever it takes," she agrees, her voice heavy with determination, before gently releasing my hands and leaving me to my chaotic thoughts.