WHUMPTOBER [2023]

No.3: Secrets in the Moonlight

"Like crying out in empty rooms; with no-one there except the moon."
Journal | Solitary Confinement | "Make it stop."

WOLFSTAR [Remus Lupin x Sirius Black]

***

Remus didn't want to die yesterday, but now within his aching bones, he had never wished for something more than death.

Maybe it was the absconse of Padfoot by his side and the tang of something metallic on his tongue. He didn't want to think it was blood, but what else spiked the unwanted familiarity in his chest?

So, Remus was found curled into a ball and sobbing with his face squished into his knees, rocking back and forth like a drug addict during withdrawal. Thinking this, he was reminded of Lily telling him off for smoking. This was what he'd become, then — a boy with no sanity; a boy who was more of a monster than a boy at all.

When Madam Pomfrey found him, she had nearly dropped to her knees and sobbed too. Due to her professionalism, she seemed to pull herself back from such an emotional display. "Remus," she murmured gently, coming over to pry Remus's hands away from where they scratched at his skin, nails dug in firmly. "Don't do this to yourself, lovely boy. You don't deserve this, dear, I know, I know." She sounded heartbroken for him.

"I'm sorry," Remus choked out. "I've done it now, haven't I? I've bitten somebody, because I'm a bloody dangerous werewolf, and now the school is going to expel me. Well, if they don't kill me first."

"Oh Remus," Madam Pomfrey cried out, aghast. "Don't say such things! You've done nothing wrong, you poor dear. I've gotten you a blanket and some warm tea in my wards. Come along now, stop suffocating yourself with such merciless thoughts!"

Yet Remus groaned when Madam Pomfrey tried to hoist him up, even with her careful touch. "Make it stop," he grunted. He hoped it wasn't a broken hip he was feeling. "Make it stop."

Immediately, Madam Pomfrey took out a vial and passed it to him. "Drink this," she supplied.

Remus didn't question her, gratefully tipping the contents of the vial into his mouth. There was almost an instant boost of energy, enough for him to support most of his weight, and to dull the other pains banging on in his body.

"What happened?" He finally managed to ask, sweating as Madam Pomfrey escorted him out of the shack.

"I'm sure you'll hear it from Minerva soon enough, sweetheart. For now, please just rest. It's hardly something so important to cast worry on so early. You deserve some peace and quiet and time to heal."

"I don't want to continue with solitary confinement," Remus found himself suddenly telling her. "It's awful. I want other options- just, please. I know I'm dangerous, but I hate the shack. Everyone calls it the Shrieking Shack because of me. Please, I want another option."

Madam Pomfrey pursed her lips in a way that told Remus she didn't have any other options to offer him. "I'm so sorry, Remus." She bent down and kissed the top of his head. "No kid deserves this, but you are so brave dealing with it all. Promise me, Remus, that you will live on and live a great life at that."

Remus raised his gaze to meet hers. For a moment, there was silence, before he was nodding. Because he quite liked the thought of living on, despite the fear that cut through him too. He wanted to live on — not just for Sirius, for James, for Peter — but for himself as well.