Zayn Malik, I. [zustin mieber]

Chapter 8

I can't move after seeing the cuts. My mind is elsewhere, my body tangled up with Zayn's. I haven't told him that I love him yet, and I know I should, but I can't. I can't stop thinking about how badly this is really affecting him. He cut after a year. One year of happiness. I should ask him about it- ask him why he hasn't told me, but I don't.

I'm too shocked.

I run my hand up and down his back, not registering my actions. Zayn promised to tell me, he always told me when he cut. What happened to change that? Does he not want to worry me? Is he ashamed? Am I over thinking all of this? Most likely. I tend to over think a lot of things.

Oh fuck it, the cuts are right there and I leave for tour soon. I grab Zayn's wrists and move so I'm hovering over him.

"Round two?" I ask. Zayn looks taken back, his mouth falling open. He quickly regains his composure and I feel bad for what I'm about to do.

"I-I'm okay," He whispers, and by the way he moves under me I know something's hurting him.

"You sure? You look a little squeemish there. Are you hard?" I let go on one of his wrists and squeeze his dick. "Well that's not it."

"Justin," Zayn says. I listen to his tone, and it's warning me to stop. I won't stop now, because I need to know why he wouldn't tell me. I grab his wrist again, and Zayn gasps. Now I need to act surprised, but I can't bring myself to.

"Zayn," I whisper. I kiss his neck, but he moves his head and I lose my access to it.

"Justin," Zayn cries. "Please let go it hurts." He starts to pull his wrists out of my hands, and I finally let go. Now he has no choice but to show me.

"Show me," I say. "Zayn I will cut that shirt off you if you don't show me." I've only seen Zayn take his shirt off this fast during sex, he does it quickly but I can tell he doesn't want to. Then, Zayn turns his wrists up. I haven't seen fresh cuts in a year. Not on Zayns skin, that is. I bite my lip, feeling myself tearing up.

"Don't cry, Justin. This isn't because of you. Please don't cry I'm so-sorry." But I can't do that. I start to cry while looking at Zayn's cuts because there's so many going from the middle of his arm up to his hand. I don't touch them. I was just putting pressure on these, he must be in so much pain.

"I didn't... Do you need... A warm wash-cloth?" I ask. My heart feels heavy. "Do you need to talk?" I take his hand, and my tears fall.

"Niall tried to kill himself, Justin. The first night he was here. You didn't know, and I did. I made him throw up the pills. I almost... I didn't tell you and now I'm lost." I hug Zayn. I hug him because this is horrible. His life is horrible, and no one as beautiful as Zayn should suffer through this. Niall doesn't deserve any of this either.

"Don't apologize. Zayn you can't help it. I understand. I just wish you told me," I say. I don't know what else I can say because Zayn used to always blame himself, and that's part of the reason he almost died on my several times. Zayn pulls me into his arms and kisses my shoulder.

"Don't make me talk to someone. Not again, last time it hurt too much. Please Justin, I promise to tell you i-if I cut a-again," Zayn heaves. I tell him it's okay, that I'm not mad that he didn't tell me, I just wish he had. Zayn ends up falling asleep in my arms.

___

When Niall gets back, Zayn is still sleeping. I explain to him what happened, and Niall starts to cry too. He tells me he didn't want to bother us, and now that he's made Zayn depressed he wants to leave even more. I tell Niall that I won't let that happen. He cries even more.

"W-why do you care so much?" He asks. It takes everything in me to not kiss his forehead. Instead I take Niall into the kitchen and make him a tea.

"I care because you're human. You don't deserve the pain, and you're alive for a reason. I don't know what it is, but it's bigger than being someone's burden. If you were being a burden, I wouldn't have let you stay. Zayn has his problems, and the thought of him not being able to help you is hurting him. So please, let him help. If you want to help Zayn, let him help you." Niall looks at me. His eyes are red, and today he hasn't covered the bruises on his face.

"And what about you? Who are you going to help?"

"I'm going to help everyone that I can. I have tour soon, so I may not be with you as often but I promise you I will help." And Niall smiles at me.

"I knew idolizing you was a smart choice." He moves around the table and hugs me. "Thank you, Justin." This time I kiss the top of his head.

"You're welcome."

[Riiiiiiightttttt. So, I recently found out that my uncle that took his own life WAS depressed which kind of answers a few of the questions I had. If anyone you know is depressed, make sure they know they can talk to you. Anywho, I hope you liked the update. I'm sorry I take forever with them. I've been planning a Liam fanfic and a Louis one that I may write but I don't know yet. We'll see. Byeee.]