My Mind Is My Enemy

Chapter 13

After a long day of school I had decided to go back to the abandoned warehouse in anticipation to see Skylar again. I couldn't stop thinking about our last interaction we had and the memory always brought a smile on my face.

It was hot outside though I was dressed in a hoodie and sweat pants. The only reason why I wore the sweat pants was because it matched with the hoodie; an outfit I wore on most days for school in the winter time. I wore the hoodie to cover the scars on my wrists. I'd been applying tissue oil on them to help lighten the scars but they were still visible.

She smiled as I made my way closer to her. She was seated where I was seated the last time we met so I stood next to her keeping a distance between us. She passed the blunt to me which was half way done, evident that she'd been here for a while.

"Good to see you again." She said with a smile on her face. I mimicked her smile, "You too." I replied.

I took a puff and felt the burning sensation in my lungs. I passed the blunt back to Sky because I was afraid of what would've happened if I had inhaled again.

"It's kinda hot for a hoddie don't you think?" She asked me. I looked down at my outfit then compared it to what she was wearing which was a tank top and knee-length jeans.

"I don't feel hot." I lied. I was boiling but it brought comfort in knowing that the scars were hidden. Sky kept her eyes on me; something she did when trying to read me.

"It's okay you can tell me." She said before throwing away the roach.

"Hiding the scars." I stated. I kept it short and simple because I didn't feel like explaining. I didn't need to explain myself to her. "Self harm?" She questioned. I nodded my head. It was silent between us and I internally felt judged. She nodded her head, "Understandable. I did too." She said. I looked at her wrists but saw nothing; there was no sign of any intentional scars or marks.

"I didn't cut where everyone could see." She said. I looked back at her and she had a smile on her face. I was perplexed at what she was smiling about.

"Do you still self harm?" I asked her. She shook her head and I wondered how and why she stopped. I stopped myself from asking because I knew she would've asked for my reason.

"Do you?" She asked me.

"Not anymore."

"That's good to hear." She smiled. I felt proud of myself for that. She made me feel like me stopping to self harm was an achievement. "Are you in therapy?"

I shook my head. "Why not?" She questioned. I shrugged because I had no idea how to voice how I felt about therapy. I wanted to explain but my explanation wouldn't have made sense.

"Well I'm in therapy. Foster parents took me to a psychiatrist when I had a manic episode when I was fifteen."

"Manic episode?"

"Yeah. I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I didn't sleep for three days, I didn't feel tired at all. The sleep deprivation increased my aggression and frustration towards everyone so I lashed out and became aggressive towards them. I stole my sister's bank card and went to the club that was across town and spent all her money on drinks. Drunk and all I walked all the way back home, which took me about an hour or so. When I got back I got a lecture from all three of them and I just remember threatening to kill them all with a kitchen knife. After that I woke up in a psychiatric hospital." She explained. I was silent for a while; letting everything sink in.

"So you're crazy?" I asked her. My knowledge of people who have bipolar are crazy.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Like are you psycho? Like crazy? You know what I mean." I chucked.

"Actually I don't." Her tone was stern and I'd realized that I had offended her. I cleared my throat breaking the awkward silence. "I mean that one minute you're okay and the next you're not?"

"No." Was all she said.

I apologized for my assumptions and she immediately understood where I was coming from. She told me to do research on the disorder and that's exactly what I did when I got home. I searched and watched videos and documentaries about people living with bipolar disorder. I spent the night reading articles on the disorder and it lead me to falling asleep on my study desk with an article displayed on the screen which I immediately regretted when I was awakened by Alexis. She was dressed for school with her bag over her shoulders.

"You're late for school and why are you reading on bipolar disorder?"

I rubbed my eyes and stood up. Why didn't she wake me up earlier to prevent me from being late. "Because I can and please tell Viliar I won't be going to school today." I said. I got into bed and it didn't take long before I fell into a deep sleep.