CURSE

The pain of insecurities. Flows in your entity, Mess up your serenity.'Don't be insecure' I was always told,
Theirs a lot of people that love the way you are so please hold. In my face full of dirts, No one feels how it hurts.I hear compliments yet I know they are fake.I need to push them away, Because this world are against me in little way, and it's torturing me day by day. Insecurities, is eating me alive, Making me feel so different in every person in this life. And day go by my insecurity gets worse, I feel like this might be a curse.

Here I am, silently crying inside my room, flashing
back those painful moments in my life. Actually, every day is a painful day for me. Why? Because every day, people around me never fail to make me realize how ugly I am.
 
I'm the middle child of five siblings, and unfortunately, I am the only ugly among them.
 
I'm the one who has a lot of pimples; I am the only one who has tan skin, or, let's say, brown skin; and I'm the only one who has never been complimented by their relatives.
 
"Ate, ba't Ikaw may pimple tas yung mga kapatid mo Wala?"
 
"Ikaw lang maitim sa magkakapaitid ah."
 
"Mas maganda pa iyong Isa mong kapatid kaysa sayo."
 
"Ang pangit mo"
 
"Hanggang academic kalang naman kasi pangit ka'
 
"Walang nag kakagusto sayo kasi para kang ewan."
 
"Tabe dadaan ang pangit"
 
"Palitan ko nga ang tugtog pangit na nga ang pasahero pangit pa ang tugtog."
 
"Pangit ka nga kasi, kaya wala kang boyfriend."
 
Those are some of the compliments I have received throughout my life. Well, I accept those insults as a compliment.
 
How powerful those words of theirs are to make me feel so low in this life. How powerful those words of theirs were—to the point that I can't even stand again with my head chin up and confidently walking.
 
I'm tired of this kind of life. I'm used to it, but I can't stop my tears from falling every time it happens.
 
There was a time I kept on talking to God. Why does he make me like this? Like? Why? Why are you making me feel like this? Do I deserve this pain that I am having? I've been so good to the people around me, as much as I know it is good for me. But why? Why? why? Why do you keep dragging my confidence down? Why do I need to feel this way?
 
I'm tired. I'm tired of keeping reminding myself that God has the reason why he gave this to me.
 
But I'm tired; it's getting more painful.
 
This is just the only thing I wish for when it comes to physical appearance, but why is it hard for you to give it to me?
 
I'm sorry for asking too much. I'm sorry for keeping on asking you about this thing. But I can't just control myself because I'm so down. I don't know how to build my confidence. I'm sick of this.
 
Here I am, around the noise, people. Here I am, loving to stay alone in my room, who's always realizing how unfair our lives are.
 
It feels like I am cursed to be in this position in my life.