A Stand-in Bride

Chapter 55

Zhan

I stare at myself in the mirror, taking in the smeared lipstick, my messy hair and clothes. I’d been so annoyed watching Cheng Xiao follow him around the garden and he turned my mood around just like that. He knew exactly what I needed without me even saying a word.

I try my hardest to fix my appearance but no matter what I do, I look like I just had a quickie with my husband. I suppose it’s the smile that I can’t suppress.

I’m strangely giddy as I slip out of the bathroom but my mood drops instantly when I find Cheng Xiao leaning against the wall. She looks at me with such hatred in her eyes that I find myself frozen in place.

“It wasn’t enough that you stole him from me, huh? You just had to fuck him all night knowing I could hear you two.” She waves her hand in my direction. “And now this? You just had to steal his attention away when we were finally having a civil conversation. What is it that you’re trying to do? Did you want to show me how much he wants you? Do you want to rub in that I lost him?”

I lean back against the closed bathroom door and shake my head. “No, Cheng Xiao. I would never knowingly do that to you. I tried to be quiet last night and just now… well, it had nothing to do with you. I went inside and Yibo followed me. You could’ve stopped him if you wanted to.”

She laughs humorlessly. “Are you fucking kidding me right now? You fucking bitch. I don’t understand why everyone always thinks you’re so sweet and innocent, when you’re a vicious fucking slut.”

I smile at her, barely able to restrain my anger. “Hmm, you might be onto something there. Yibo does call me his little slut, after all.” Her eyes widen as though she can’t believe I just said that and I merely shrug. “I’m done indulging you. You put me through hell for years and I always gave in because that’s just how it’s always been between us. Not anymore Cheng Xiao. Walking away from Yibo is the best thing you ever could’ve done for me but it’s also the worst thing you ever could’ve done to me. Your blatant disregard for my happiness and my plans for my future is disgusting. I’m done hoping that someday, you’ll go back to being the big sister I once looked up to.”

She looks hurt for a moment but her pain rapidly makes way for anger. “Don’t give me that shit,” she tells me. “Don’t try to change the subject and shift the blame.”

I cross my arms and stare her down. “I wouldn’t dare. That’s your area of expertise after all.”

She grits her teeth. “Tell me honestly Xiao Zhan. Why did you take my place on my wedding day? We both know Grandma Carmen would’ve allowed us to postpone the wedding if you hadn’t. Despite her threats, she’d never have forced you. She loves you far too much to do that to you.”

I nod. “I know.”

Her eyes widen. “Then why?”

“Because I’ve been in love with him for years. Ever since an engagement between him and me was first discussed. My feelings never wavered. I’ve loved him since before you even met him. My biggest regret in life was introducing you two, so when I was given a chance to remedy that, I took it. Can you really blame me for chasing my dreams by walking down that aisle, when walking away from it allowed you to chase yours?”

“You disgust me,” she tells me, her eyes flashing with genuine hurt. “All these years, you lusted after my fiance, spending time with him, pretending to be his friend, when all along, you wanted him. Was it ever more than that? Did you two ever cross the line?”

I think back to the way I sat in his lap, the way I tried to seduce him. “No,” I tell her. “Yibo never crossed the line with me. Not even once.”

I did, though. I crossed the line with him. I’m guilty of what she’s accusing me of but admitting that now would only further deteriorate what’s left of our relationship.

“Cheng Xiao, why are you chasing after him when you’re the one who left him at the altar? Why do you continuously attempt to get between us even though we’re married? Do I truly mean nothing to you? Does my happiness truly not matter to you?”

Some of the venom in her eyes drains away and she looks away. “I want you to be happy, Xiao Zhan. But not with the man I love. Not with the man I planned a future with and share a past with.”

I stare at my sister, my heart breaking. “But I am, Cheng Xiao. I’m happy with him and I think he’s happy with me too. Can’t you see that?” I tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear and inhale shakily. “Over the last few months, you and I have destroyed the strenuous relationship we had and what for? I won’t leave him, Cheng Xiao. Even if I tried, he wouldn’t let me. He loves me just as much as I love him. You realize that, don’t you?”

“Love,” she repeats, followed by a hollow laugh. “Are you seriously standing here and telling me he fell in love with your after, what? Four, five months of marriage? Don’t be ridiculous. This is a rebound and I’ll let him have it but it’ll never be more than that.”

I inhale shakily and look away. “Maybe you’re right,” I admit. “But even so, I’m his wife. I’ll be his wife for at least the next two and a half years but we both know it’ll be far longer than that. Even if you’re right and what he feels for me isn’t true love… then that’s fine for me Cheng Xiao. I love him enough to wait until he eventually truly loves me back.”

She stares at me in disbelief.

“I’m sorry,” I tell her.

“No,” she says. “You’re not sorry.”

“Cheng Xiao,” I say, my voice breaking. “Do you want me in your life? Because this road you and I are walking… if we see this through, there’s no going back. I love you, Xiaoxiao. You know that I do. But I won’t sacrifice any more for you.”

She rolls her eyes. “You say that as though you’ve ever had to sacrifice anything for me at all.”

I smile at her, my heart wrenching. “You wouldn’t be standing here today if I hadn’t sacrificed anything for you. Similarly, I wouldn’t exist without you. We both know that Mom and Dad only had me because they needed my bone marrow to save your life. I’ve spent my entire life living in your shadow Cheng Xiao, giving into anything you wanted, supporting you in any way I could think of, even if it meant making myself small and invisible. I’m done. I’m done being taken for granted. I’m done being pushed around. I love you but I can’t have you in my life if all you bring me is sorrow.”

Cheng Xiao looks at me and inhales shakily. “You’re right,” she says. “I’ll never forgive you for going after Yibo the way you did Xiao Zhan. I won’t give up on him either. If that means that I’ll have to sacrifice my relationship with you, then so be it. Let’s be real. We both hate each other anyway. The only reason we tolerate each other is because we have to.”

My heart clenches painfully and I inhale sharply. I always suspected that she hated me but I tried so hard to convince myself that it was all in my head, that my own sister couldn’t possibly feel that way about me.

“I loved you,” I tell her, my voice breaking. “I’m pretty sure I loved you from the moment I took my first breath and I’ll love you until I take my last. It kills me that you don’t feel the same way but at least I know now.” I take a step away, taking one last look at my sister. “You’re toxic, Cheng Xiao. Not just to me but to yourself. It isn’t just me you’re losing today, you know? With each passing day, you lose more of yourself too. But you know what? It isn’t my job to save you. Not anymore.”

I force myself to walk away from my sister, knowing deep down that I should’ve done it long ago.