My Venting Book

I give up in life tbh. [⚠️]

I hate my life.
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And I have good reasons for it.
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I hate my life, because nothing ever; and I mean EVER seems to go the way I want it, and second of all - I have anxiety too; I want to commit suicide just to avoid the future. I don't want to see what this horrible, selfish, death - ridden world become worse and worse with every passing year. "Happy New Year!" there is nothing happy about New Years, it just means it's one year closer to the Earth's doom - and it's probably near.

I just don't want to live anymore. I'd prefer a peaceful death, painless and quick. "Oh but Frostclaws! What about your parents and your sister? Won't they be so sad?" oh no! I didn't think about that! Yes I did. I did, MANY times over - again, and again, and again. I KNOW they'll be sad. But what about me? I'm sad too, I'M SAD. But no one cares, do they?

I have to hide my real emotions behind a mask of fake happiness, I can't show people that I cry; because I'm afraid that they'll think I'm weak - and it has such a big impact on me. I hate that my sister is so stupid, all she does is watch her Ipad all day and play games; I wish I can punch that stupid asshole in the face for being so stupid and annoying.

And everytime my mom comes back from work and I didn't do my homework/chores, she goes like "Oh I'm so tired, I'm the only one who does work here." or "Why do I still live? What is my purpose for living?" like what do you want me to do? Commit suicide? Would that make you feel better? Or say "Oh I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry that I have depression and anxiety and I play games all day to try and ease my anxiety and/or try to cure my depression. I am so sorry that I still live and is a useless bag of flesh and bones."

If I tell her I'm tired, she'd go like "Why are you tired? You don't do anything but play games all day." I'm tired because I suffer from anxiety and depression, I'm tired of living in this upside - down, messed up, doomed world, I'm tired of living life as a human and just want to give up living, I'm tired because I can't tell trusted people about my condition; became I'm afraid that they'll make fun of me.

And the people online don't make it better. One time I was playing PonyTown; and I was in an OC Maker. My base was named "im going to kill myself <3", then another person walked up to me and said "your name is so corny" and later on they said something along the lines of "this oc maker is so cringe" and the host asked why, then they replied with "because someone named their pony 'im going to kill myself <3" ... They are one of my many reasons to commit suicide, why do you think I put that as my name? For jokes and laughs? It's serious.

The only way I can kinda express my anger is by writing on here. But I still have SO much anger stored somewhere else from being angry and become calm, it gets stored somewhere else; and I'm pretty sure that I have an anger level called "True Anger.", which is when I'm so unbelievably angry; I use all my stored up anger and destroy the whole world or something along those lines.
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My anger is now stored somewhere else now I guess, so now I don't have enough suicidal thoughts and anxiety juice to go on anymore. So this is the end of this rant.