Mama's Boy

2

Satan

My voice works, OK? I understand people just fine! I don't need people to talk slower or louder because I'm not deaf! I'm not slow or stupid. My mouth isn't glued shut. I didn't get my vocal cords ripped out, OK? I'm just scared. I'm scared of the people who will hear my voice, and I'm scared because what do I do with it?

Yes, I know you talk with it, but that scares me. Talking, I don't know why it does but it does. I wanna talk but the fear of people hearing my voice and the fear of not knowing what to say gets me. I shut down completely.

I'm sick of people telling me it's not that hard to talk because it is. No one knows how it feels, except me and people like me. I just wished they would stop.

My dog barks, bringing me out of my thoughts. I get up and look out the attic window. She spots a squirrel on the tree, I roll my eyes. My dog, Rain, is a Doberman and loves my room. There's actually lots of space and I made a spot just for her. She enjoys looking at the tree that fills with squirrels daily. Sometimes I feed them some cashews so they never leave and come back to see if I have anything for them. I lay back on my bed and looked through my phone. Instagram is the app I use the most.

Rain begins to bark at the window again. I get up and walk towards the window. It faces the front of the house and the tree is very tall allowing the squirrels to climb our roof. It wasn't a squirrel she was barking at though. It was a girl, a beautiful girl. She had black hair and brown skin that glowed in the fall sun.  She was taking pictures of what I assumed to be the squirrels. Who is she?

She was truly beautiful almost as if she was created by Aphrodite herself. I watched as she took many pictures of the tree, her eyes squinting and licking her full, luscious lips. Her outfit compliments her figure, a light brown crop top showing her close-to-hourglass body. It's well paired with her blue jeans.

I shook my head and walked away before she saw me. I scrolled through my phone for a little while before falling asleep. When I woke up around eight, I walked down the stairs of the attic. Rain jumped in my arms, and when I put her down, she shook and we walked downstairs. Dinner was done, so I went to get a plate. It was spaghetti but it always is.

After plating my food I make my way up the stairs. The floor creaks below me and I hear dog nails hitting the floor behind me. I place my plate down on the same floor and pick up the dog that follows. I lift her and push inside the room. I pulled down the ladder next, grabbed my food, and made my way up. After closing the attic entrance, I sit on my bed with the pasta. Rain looks at me and begs me for some. I give her a meatball and start to eat my food.

After eating I leave the plate on the floor for Rain to lick clean. Curiosity gets the best of me and I look out the window for the girl. I don't see her again. Maybe, it was just a one-time thing.

I grab my laptop and look through Canvas for any assignments. I have a few so I get to work. I like doing work at night rather than straight from school, it's quieter.

Studying went by smoothly with the right music. My taste in music varies as I do different things. When studying, I prefer classical music. When I finished with my homework, I closed my computer and pulled my phone in. I prepare myself for the night.

(TW: Sexual Assault)

I was awake by the shaking of my bed. The entrance was opened and my father made his way up. I watched as he pushed my dog down and out of the room. My breathing gets heavy as he makes his way towards me. He rips the safety of my blankets off of me and gets on top. "Don't. Make. A. Sound." I begin to quietly whine as he takes off my pants.

He does what he wants for an hour.

———
"Have you seen the new girl? Apparently, she moved from another country," Izzy says. We are all at lunch now, talking about various topics. The events from last night distract me from the present.

"Yeah, she in my first. Her name is Angel, she's from Canada," Sasha adds.

"Ooo the French or English side?"

"How am I supposed to know?"

"Hey, you okay?" Izzy says with worry in her voice. I nod my head assuring her I'm fine and take a bite out of my chicken sandwich. After lunch, I head to ceramics. Ceramics is always the same. A wave of satisfaction comes over when the bell rings. Next child development.

After making my way to the door, I spot her. The same girl that was taking pictures on my front lawn. She must be the new girl. Angel. She has what seems to be Siren eyes and her brown eyes stare towards the front. Her black straight hair falls to just below her armpits. She wears gold hoop earrings and a gold nose ring. She has a black crop top showing her slim figure and black cargo pants. Her body language screams confidence.

I look at her for two more seconds before sitting down at my desk, which happens to be in front of her. Class starts and nothing seems to interest my current state of mind. "Hey, do you know if we take care of robotic babies?"

Angel says to me after tapping my shoulder. The soft tap on my shoulder gives me shivers and I take a deep breath. I wrote on paper. Sorry, I'm mute. We get to take care of the babies next semester as an end-of-the-year project.

I show her the paper and I get a nod in return. "Also do you know where Mrs. Sam's office is? I'm supposed to meet her," she says. Her voice is soft and considerate like an angel.

I nod my head and write. I can show up after class. She smiles big and I see her cheeks turn pink. She has this shine in her brown eyes expressing her excitement. I give her a small smile before turning back around. We take notes on the child's mind and he reminds us of a quiz.

"So what's your name?" She asks as we pack our things before the bell. I write a simple S on paper and show her. "Nice to meet you S. My name is Angel." I smile in response and put my backpack on. We both walk out, me leading the way to the counselor's office.

As we gradually get closer, I notice the looks she gets with me. The side eyes and blank stares. Yeah, I'm known but not for the right reasons. I do my best to ignore and keep walking, Angel trailing behind. When we make our way to the office, I point to the counselor's door. "Thanks," she says and smiles.

My cheeks heat up and I feel a thousand butterflies scrambling in my stomach. I only smile back in return before walking away and shaking the feelings. She was just being nice.

I go and find Izzy for our next class. "Hey, where were you?" She says as we enter the classroom. I shrug and take my seat. After school, I headed home.

Angel.