Mama's Boy

20

After the summer break, we said goodbye to Angel's family. I thanked them for everything. They gave me so much more love and care than my own family. I said goodbye to my Aunt Cass and her kids, thanking her for everything too.

Before Angel and I leave, we are meeting back at the place where we said I love you for the first time. I wait for her to arrive as I go here earlier than expected with Rain. While in college, Rain will stay with me as an emotional support dog.

While Rain does what she wants around the area off-leash. I take time to clear my mind, enjoying the scenery and trying my best but think about what she wants to say.

I hope she doesn't think it's best to take a break while in college or break up completely. Would she say that?

I take deep breaths, my breathing shaking as I do. I try to stop my hands from shaking by sitting on them, it doesn't work,

So I hear her voice talking to Rain, so I turn to her beautiful face. I smile and watch as she walks over to me. "Hey, I brought us some food."

I smile lightly at her as I watch her sit down next to me. Her sweet scent hits my nose and I pucker my lips for a kiss which I get. "We need to talk."

I nod my head.

"Umm. I don't want us to end like every other high school relationship. The one that ends up taking a break from college and then never speaking again. I wanna date while we're in college and call each other daily. Do you want that?" I nod my head.

There's something different about you. Every time I'm with you, it's like I'm meant to. It feels like we are meant to. I love you so much which is why I know I can trust you. It's why I know that college won't affect our relationship. I know that distance won't matter."

"Yeah, it'll suck but it won't be as bad when we see each other on breaks and stuff. I'm gonna miss you so bad, it's hurting my stomach. It's not even an exaggeration, I'm going to miss you so much!" she says, leaning her head against my shoulder.

I move to lay on my back, her head now on my chest. I place my hand on her hip and listen to her speak, acknowledging every word. "It's super important that we call every day. Even if we are sick or having a bad day, we would want the other person to know and we would know if we were together. So we call every day in the morning, night, or both."

Since she lying down, I grab my phone and type into the notes app. 

Do you think I'll be okay on my own?

I think that if you continue to be kind to other people, you may make friends like with your dorm partner. My light, you are very capable of living on your own. Honestly, I don't know if I will. I think I was so comfortable knowing that you were lying next to me it's gonna be so weird not having you there. But it'll be good, you know. Like being apart will be good, not having to rely on each other all the time."

"I'm trying to convince myself so hard right now. Ugh, my stomach hurts, can you pass you that." I look over to my side and grab the water. She sits up and takes it, gulping as she drinks. She's so nervous, making me a little guilty.

She turns to face me and her expression changes. "Don't feel guilty, I'm a nervous person sometimes. Look, we are gonna be okay, me and you. Right?" I nod my head.

I open my sandwich and take a bite. I'm good on my own, but I'm recently on my own with Angel. I don't know what it feels like to not be with her now. I'm good at change sometimes if it doesn't have a huge effect on my life.

I don't know how this will change my life but I hope Angel's right that it will be good for us. If it isn't how will it affect me? Will I end up back with my old habits, cutting and not letting anyone in? If it helps me, will I live a better life than I did with Angel?

I often come up with stupid questions that stay in my mind until answered. I can't just forget.

Angel lays back down in my chest after I do. We look at the sky for a while, the cold air hitting us as the sun goes down. I can't help but feel sad, we won't see each other in person for a while. We won't celebrate our 1 year together.

We won't celebrate our one year together.

"Oh, you're right. Maybe we can think of something when the time comes," she says in reassurance. I nod my head, acknowledging her voice.

Time soon passes as we lay in silence, enjoying each other embrace. We have to leave soon, but I don't want to. Rain comes to lay with us after we are exhausted from running around. "Rain I'm gonna miss you!"

The dog rolls on Angel as she pets her. "I need a daily picture of Rain, got it?"

I nod with a smile. She plays with Rain while lying on me, petting the dog and talking gibberish. "You have to go."

My flight leaves soon, it's best if I leave now. We get up to pack our things and walk to our cars. I make sure to keep my hands in hers as we walk. An odd feeling electrifies my body when the cars are in front of us.

I turn to her, smiling lightly. She heads my face bringing me into a kiss. Her lips dominate mine and she takes full control. We kiss slowly, her warm lips on mine. Butterflies flutter in my stomach as she deepens the kiss. When she separates, I'm left with a sense of sadness.

"This is it. We call every day. If we can't call, text. I love you so much, I'm gonna miss you," she says then pecks my lips. Without Angel, I would not be here. I wouldn't be going to college or even be alive. She was there for everything. Her love has brought me so far. I trust, care, feel, and love her so much. She deserves the world for her kind heart. She deserves to hear these words because I love her so much to not let her.

"I love you too."

So I guess it wasn't fuck.