Shawn mendes imagine pt. 2 **

5) too familiar

"You can either do a full tour with Coldplay, or join thirty seconds to mars for a few shows during their North American leg." My manager told me as we walked down the hallway of a studio I used to work at frequently. I didn't use it as much anymore and being here today was a slight trigger but with songs growing the charts and being unable to sing, I needed to share my art somehow.

That's just happened to be selling my songs to other artists. It hurt to see all my hard work being given to others people but I was also insanely grateful that they had taken interest in it. It now didn't have to sit in a random folder on my phone. The world would get to hear it. It wasn't the best situation but still it was better than nothing. I was glad people were still going to be able to hear my words. Although I guess it may feed into the rumors of words never truly coming from my mouth.

"Let's do the few shows with Jared and his team." I replied.

"That's only a few shows thought Shawn, you'll barely get paid for it." Andrew reminded me and I shook my head.

"Coldplay is too familiar...it's to triggering. The wound is still fresh. Please, Andrew."

"It's been almost a year, Shawn."

"Andrew, not now. We've been over this and I will fire you if this goes any further. There's no reason for you to be my manager anyways. My career is as dead as it could get." I warned.

"Thirty seconds to mars it is." Andrew replied and I smiled at the response. I was lucky to been given such a good and supportive group of people but at times it was hard. After facing some career ending challenges during a surgery my career was about over. I tried to push past it like certain people had but I couldn't get my voice to push a voice out past 5 minutes. It became horse and dry. It would take forever to clear up and I was stuck with a scratchy sounding voice that burned. There was no need for a manager or band, or hell even a photographer but they wouldn't leave. They refused to leave. They told me that they were my family and that we'd pull together.

I didn't see how we could pull together when I was the foundation of the family and there was nothing I could contribute anymore. I couldn't bring in new music for us to produce. I couldn't sing to bring in a stadium we could play, what use was I now?
Andrew was a little more hopeful in me getting my voice back. I had lost hope about 6 months in. It was now almost a year. I wasn't getting my voice back. Andrew knew it, my fans knew it, and even I did. I hoped that Andrews hopeful thinking would prove me wrong but as the person living day to day without a singing voice i didn't feel anything getting better. I didn't feel like anything was going worse either so that was a positive.

Playing with thirty seconds to mars was amazing and everything that I had wished for. I was allowed to contribute to the art of music while enjoying it up close. I got to sing along to certain parts and my voice did good for the most part. It cut out and got sore a few moments but that was expected given the circumstances. I was familiar with Jared and his work but seeing the energy him and his band possessed for the second time was magical.

It made me miss being able to captivate a huge group of people with words and sounds but I was also ecstatic that I was on stage playing guitar. It wasn't often that people like be got to do this. Half the times career ending injuries would do just that, end a career. I was lucky enough to have fans that didn't just care about my voice. They valued me as a person. They saw that I also played guitar and piano and once the news got out about my voice they were nothing but support.

I was expecting them to be mad at me and the situation. Mad that I couldn't sing, but also mad that I'd put myself in that situation and then agreed to the surgery. I couldn't refused it and just dealt with the minor issues but I didn't. I wanted it all solved. I would understand if they disappointed in me. I was disappointed in me. I expected to lose millions of followers instead I gained them and they started to request songs to play in the guitar and piano. I had people that I hadn't talked to in years reaching out. It felt nice that so many of my friends were trying to help me through a difficult time. I got texts from camila, which ultimately was a little strange because our relationship was the most strictly friends it ever had been and maintaining that relationship was hard when we both knew the history between us and how well we worked, but I enjoyed talking to her and having her support. I got texts from Meghan trainor, who had also gone through surgery in the past. Hers was successful where mine wasn't but it still helped to talk to someone who had experienced a similar situation. I then also got text from my other friends such as Niall, Lewis, Ed, Taylor and even Teddy. They hadn't been through any similar but to have their support was everything.

After basking in the glory of being on stage again the only thing that felt right to do was post and tweet about the night. It was exactly what I would've done on my own tour, or my first day back on set. It wasn't the same circumstances but maybe this was my new life and if it was I wouldn't be mad about it.

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You can go read the corresponding instagram post in my "Shawn Mendes instagram" book now! It's the latest one titled 14) @writing_sprendes