48 Nights

Chapter Seven

5 years after - New York - release

Manhattan was reminiscent of the traveller camps, but fancier. Everyone nosed in other's business, obnoxious, loud and unapologetic. There were no memories that surfaced as to who Alejandro was once to me, and I revelled in the peacefulness of it. If I could, I would cast away those of Elise and Peter's as well. Even though I wanted all of that behind, lost in the fog, my heart ached for Ireland. I've often thought of Johnny, the caravans, and the traveller way of life. From time to time, Anemarie would enter my thoughts, and I felt so much pain at how we parted. I whispered and begged for soft forgiveness and sent it out in the wind in hopes it'd reach her. She haunted my heart, yet all I had for her was pure love.

Elisa and Petrus were now five years old, and they were the apples of my eye. I worshipped and marvelled at everything they did, as though they were deities. Alejandro was surpassing me in every way, kissing the ground they walked upon. Petrus loved dancing, and each time I'd clap my hands rhythmically and sing a Romani ballad, he's stomp his feet and join in. My Spanish beauty, as Papa called her, was wise and dreamy, a truly tender soul.

Those once agonizing nights and mornings were now a distant memory. True happiness enveloped me for the first time, in forever. All that was sour and unpleasant was lost in time.

"Mama! Look at me!" Elisa shouted. She was laughing giddy while her little hands were propelling seawater into the air, creating brilliant sun kissed sparkles. I shielded my eyes with the back of my hand and squinted. We were on a family outing on a beautiful beach afternoon in Staten Island. The beach was squirming with people, and as I took it all in, it all looked like an ant colony to me. The energy bustling, with laughter and chatter inundating the peaceful lapping waves. To my side, Alejandro was fully energized in digging a hole for Petrus, taking it very seriously, as Petrus' giggles encouraged him.

"I see you darling" I shouted back, blowing her an exagerrated kiss. I was miffed out of my wits with the passing of the crowd in front of me, obstructing my view of Elisa, and so I set out to close that gap. I failed to see the lanky tall boy running towards me, his body colliding with mine. His words reached my ears as a few hey watch where you're going are you oks, as I kept my eyes on Elisa, who in this moment was gone.

"Elisa! Elisa!" I shouted panicked, sporadically trying to locate her. Alejandro was behind me, with Petrus in his arms.

"Where is she?" He asked, his brow furrowed, in a calm yet alert demeanour. I ignored him and started into the water, waves crashing at my feet. Could a wave have taken her? I called out her name, spinning in circles, dizzying myself. I heard commotion behind me, as my state attracted attention. A teenage boy, dressed in red, ran past me and disappeared into the waves. I dove after him. Alejandro was calling out her name on the beach, running back and forth, with Petrus' body flapping in his arms, not letting him go. My voice was hoarse from seawater and yelling, as I continued diving under the thrashing waves. I came out, with the teenage boy in front of me, defeated, aghast expression on his face in his failed attempts to find her. I dove in again, but could not find her. A wave pushed me down, and there was a large crowd around me, all talking to one another and to me. I muted it. Silence. I then, through a slowed motion saw the teenage lifeguard's face in mine, yelling silently at me, elated. I unmuted and heard him say "...ound her ..with the ...dad..good" I  caught a few words of his attempt to tell me something. I then saw the crowd turn, and I followed their direction to see Alejandro holding Petrus in one arm, and Elisa in another, tears twinkling down his sun kissed cheeks, green specs reflecting in them. An ecstatic scream mixed with a laugh escaped my throat as I lunged towards them, embracing them, kissing Elisa's little tiny arms, full of sand and salt.

That night I lay in bed beside their little bodies. I held my breath so that I could hear theirs - melodic, soft, peaceful. The agonizing afternoon at the beach, has awaken a familiarity of a feeling that I've experienced today. I could not find her, fumbling through the dark, lost, when she was so close by. I felt this before. The patting of my palms against the ocean floor, blindly, my hands looking and not finding her little body. The wet and cold feeling, the despair, a deja vu.