Climb Every Mountain, With You (Shubman Gill x Ishan Kishan)

Levels of denial

Nisha and Shahneel came to receive Shubman at the airport.

"How's it going?" Nisha asked.

"You tell me how's it going," said Shubman. "You live next door to the storm. Or better, you tell me, di."

"I don't know," said Shahneel. "They've been....really quiet about it. Even if they have discussed it amongst themselves, I wasn't invited."

Shubman wondered what to make of it.

His heart was pounding fit to burst when the maid opened the door and the three of them walked....or tiptoed... into the living room and found his parents.

"Welcome home, my dear!" His mother hugged him, his father hugged him, and then somehow he was sitting between his parents.

"Actually, there's a matter we need to discuss with you." His mother went straight to the point. "With you alone, maybe." She looked at Nisha.

"No, Mom," said Shahneel. "Let Nisha be here, she's as good as family."

"All right, sure," said Mrs. Gill. "Well, Shubi, you're obviously aware of the gossips about that photo of um, you and Ishan."

"There is no need to explain the gossips to us," his father started.

Shubman's mouth fell open.

Okay, this was not supposed to be this easy-

"We knew straightaway they're being interpreted the wrong way," said Mr. Gill.

"What?" asked Shubman blankly.

"I think what uncle means is that it was a joke," said Nisha.

Shubman couldn't crack a smile.

"Like playing up to the media," said his father.

"Rushita aunty was saying you two have played up to the media for a long time now," said his mother.

"Mom, that ended years ago!" said Shubman. "We're not playing up for anyone, we're serious."

"Serious about what, exactly?" his father asked.

Shubman looked at Shahneel, who nodded.

"Serious about...our relationship," said Shubman, stammering. Once he got that out, it was easier to continue. "Ishan and I love each other and what we have is serious."

His mother and father both seemed to be taking deep, calming breaths.

"All right," said Mrs. Gill. "All right. Son, look. Ishan is your closest friend, and you love him. It's natural you love him, possibly a lot more than your other friends. That combined with these new fangled ideas have distorted the picture to you two. I mean, distorted the kind of love you have for him, in....in your eyes and his. So...."

"Mom, I've told you this is not a new fangled idea, it's a person's choice," said Shahneel. "It's a person's nature. No one wrote a rulebook that a boy can only be with a girl romantically."

"It's written in every rulebook that exists, Shahneel," said Mrs. Gill. "That's why everyone does it!"

"No, Mom, everyone does not do it, the majority does it, that does not mean it is the only right way!"

Mrs. Gill looked at her husband.

"Shahneel, will you please let us have a quiet word with your brother?" asked their father.

"I won't have the two of you victimizing my brother!" said Shahneel.

Shubman had never loved her more. But this was a battle he had to fight, and she couldn't fight it for him.

"It's fine, di, you go. Nisha, you too. Just....just wait outside or something..." he said.

Shahneel glared at both her parents, gave Shubman a fierce nod and left. Nisha followed her after a nervous smile at Shubman. The door closed.

Shubman's heart sank.

He had never felt so alone and scared, with his parents gazing at him with such terrifying concern.

Why had he let the two of them go?

Mr. Gill put an arm around Shubman.

"Shub," he said. "Just listen to me, okay? I only want the best for you. I know you better than anyone else. Let's suppose your sister is right that there is no rulebook about a man and a woman having to be together. Let's suppose these, uh, Western ideas actually do exist. I want you to think carefully about what you feel for Ishan. Without letting the Western ideas bias you."

"Dad-"

"He's your best friend, right?" his father said. Maybe he thought he was being helpful. "You love him the same way you love Rishabh and Abhishek..."

"No, Dad, I do not love him the same way as Rishabh and Abhishek!" cried Shubman.

"They're all your closest friends. Your closest...friends. You are supposed to love them. But you are not supposed to be...."

Shubman's face burned as his father paused.

"You are not supposed to be kissing them or touching them the way you touch a girlfriend or a wife," his mother said in a determined, firm voice.

Shubman wanted to storm out or crumple on the floor and cry. Either would do. Just so long as he could get out of this conversation.

That wouldn't help, he told himself. That wouldn't help anything. Convince Mom and Dad so that you can go to the Delhi airport to see Ishan soon.

"Mom," he said, choking up in spite of how hard he tried not to. "Who tells us what we're supposed to do?"

There was a pause.

"Our parents?" Shubman asked. "Even nearing thirty?"

"Your parents want the best for you, Shubi," said Mr. Gill.

"Then why is it so hard for them to understand that I'm in love with Ishan and-"

"Of course you love him-"

"He's your best friend-"

"HE'S A LOT MORE THAN MY BEST FRIEND," Shubman exploded. "He's-he's the one I want to spend my whole life with. He's the only one I can spend my life with."

"You're in denial, son," his mother started.

It was the second time he had heard that recently.

Suddenly Shubman couldn't take the pressure crushing his soul. Though he had promised himself not to, he broke down into tears.

"Shubi, Shubi," he heard his parents saying in distress.

His mother put her arms around him like she used to do when he was a child. His father patted his shoulder as he cried.

"It's going to be fine," he promised.

"No, it's not," sobbed Shubman. "You two are the ones in denial and you think I am the one in denial. How can we convince each other?"

"There is nothing to convince us about, my dear," his mother said gently. "Let's talk about something else."

"The Border Gavaskar Trophy," his father said at once. "We were so bothered by this stupid business I nearly forgot about the way you played the last month. You just get better with every series, Shub."

Stupid business. Stupid business!

Shubman chose to ignore that part and discuss his batting and fielding in the series with his father.

It was good to be in denial once in a while.

There were so many levels of denial.

He had never known.