pt. 4 (do I have a crush?)

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by sosoo1306

by sosoo1306

heyy sorry for not updating for so long but some things happened and I went on vacation (only shitty internet) so yeah here I am backkkk

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So, I recently met a girl through an international project of my school. she lives basically on the other side of the earth and we have 6 to 7 hours of time difference 😭

(the time difference is depending on wether we have summer time or winter time in our clocks)

so, back to the girl:

we met and almost immediately became friends. we text multiple times a day and about the most random things.

She has such a great character, is sooo fckn kind and nice to everyone, shes pretty af. And she listens to a lot of good music artists.

I have to think about her so often:

like, what does she do rn? how does she feel? i hope shes having fun rn

I also think about visiting her or her visiting me often.

I recently recognized something:

I was talking to my bestfriend, lets call her Ellie, so i was talking to ellie and she asked me something wich led me to think about the girl again. So i mentioned a fact about her. the conversation was about to go on ignoring the girl.

This was the moment i felt like i would have been talking about her forever if Ellie didnt stop me.

Ellie also said: "why are you even thinking about it so much its just a message"

she said that when the girl (yes i will go on calling her 'the girl') had a clip of her lip syncing in her instagram story.

AND GUYS PLEASEEE SHE LOOKED SO GODDAMN GOOD.. this made me really panicing.

I dont know if I really have a crush on her. I never really experienced something like that. As i said before I am pansexual (i like all genders regardless of their gender) and I am also a girl. I know that I am pan, because i just knew.

But i never really experienced the stuff I am going through right now. Like, if this is what a crush or falling in love feels like, then I never had a crush or something before.

Also, idk if she even likes girls. She watched and read heartstopper and also watched young royals, red white and royal blue & multiple other lgbtq shows but i am still not sure.

And there is nothing good about having a crush on her:

1. she lives ON THE OTHER SITE OF THIS PLANET

2. i would feel lucky if i even see her once in real life in my lifetime

3. idk if she likes girls

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yeah this was/is my emotions in the past few days. please share your thoughts on this one i REALLY need your help

thank you for readingggg