I've changed since your...... Prefer not to say it. I'm worse than ever. I don't really know how to explain this, but I'm going to try. A lot of things have changed in my life and most of it is not good. Every single day I think negatively the whole time. I feel alone. Like nobody understands me. I have friends, which is a good thing. But what's the point of having them if you're still going to feel alone. I am happy that I have friends because I can be with them and talk with which makes me happy. But that happiness doesn't last for that long. Why? Because I just started to think negatively again. I like being alone most of the time because I really don't mind. But I don't like the feeling. I have a lot of exams, homework, projects....and much more. I hate that. I get stressed and have the feeling that I'm not good enough for everyone.
Before your..... When I went to bed I had beautiful dreams. But now the only thing I have is nightmares. Every morning I wake up and I find my pillow wet. Why? Because I cried in the night. I'm always scared to go to sleep and find myself wanting to stay awake the whole night. I don't know who am I anymore. I just know that I am not the same person and that I have changed in a bad way. I want my old life. And to see you.
Being a teenager is probably one of the hardest states in your life. When I was little I always wanted to be a teenager because you had phones, you felt grown up, you felt that you've changed in a good way, You felt that you've become a better person. But actually what has happened to me is that I've turned into a monster. The word monster is one of the words that I've hated since you left. Why? Well because I've changed in a bad way and before I didn't know how to hide it, so people started to call me a monster. I obviously changed schools after that.
Since you went my life has hit rock bottom. Everywhere I go I feel insecure about myself. Like I can't trust anyone. Not even my family or friends. In school and camp, they treated me like shit and ignore me. Even the teachers in my school treated me badly. I wish I hadn't changed and that my life would have continued the same. But I guess God didn't want that. I've told you that it took me years to recover almost from this and it has been unbelievable. I can't even believe that such bad things have happened to me.
This has changed me a lot and I hope I can recover completely someday, sometime, somewhere.
