Philiphobia ( Kylo Ren x Female Reader)

What am I doing? Pt.1

SMUT. 

I woke up, got ready for the day, ate breakfast, then I went to the training room. When I walked in Aple'k and Usher came over and said " Well Y/n/n you been with us for a whole month so soon you will be going out with us."  I said "  No, I am good." Kuruk said "  No, you have to come with us."  I said "  No, I am good."  They said "  Fine but when your ready you have to come with us."  I said "  I will think about it." He said "  Okay, now we have to get started on hand to hand."  I said "  Okay lets do this." Vircul came over and said "  Lets do it." Then we started to fight each other.  After Vircul said " Damn you're so much better." I said "  Thanks." We went back and forth between fighting and him teaching me. After a few hours, I said "  I gotta go do my normal job." They said "  Okay, see you later Y/n/n."  I said "  See you later."  I went to my room showered, got dressed in my uniform, and made my way to the hangar. I haven't talked to or even run into Kylo since yesterday. But whatever, I came into the hangar and saw both of my teams lined up and ready. 

I said to them "  Okay guys today we are practicing-" I got cut off by the alarm system. I said "  You know what that means."  They all rushed to their ships, I went to the communication area, and I saw Kylo standing there. He looked at me as if he knew I entered the room. I went over to my desk area and put on my headphones. I said "  Okay teams we are going to do what we normally do. Start off with the normal formation and we will go from there."  My stuff pulled up what Kylo could see, he looked at me and you're seeing everything I can right now. Okay. Hux started barking orders and we followed them. After a few minutes, Hux yelled out " Get ground teams out on Kashyyyk." Kylo then walked out of the room, which meant he had to go.  I watched him walk out and then I followed. Hux didn't notice which was good, I asked Kylo "  Can I please go out on the field, commander?"  He said "  No."  He walked away, but I followed. I said " But I have been training for a month please let me try out my new skills."  He said "  No Y/l/n."  I said "  Please."  He then turned to me and asked "  Do I need to repeat myself, your not going out there." I said " I am going out there."  He grabbed my throat and asked " Do I make myself clear?" I answered "  Yes sir." God fucking damn it. Shut up. I went back to the center and then started giving orders to my team, I said "  Guys I need you all to come back to transport troops to Kashyyyk." They all said "  Copy that." 

Timeskip brought to you by me watching fanfic TikTok while writing this

I went to my room and I saw a dinner there and a note. Come to my room- Kylo. I said "  Fuck." I grabbed my dinner and went to his room. I came up to the door and the stormtroopers there let me through. I nodded at them thanking them then I walked inside. I saw Kylo sitting at the table and he said " Sit."  I sat down and said nothing. He asked "  Do you have any questions about the books I gave you?"  I shook my head, no, and I started to eat. I finished eating and then I decided to ask him "  Why can't I go on the field?" He answered "  Because you're valuable to the first order."  I said "  But because I have the force shouldn't I be able to." He said "  No."  I said "  But I have been training-" He said "  No you're not ready yet."  I sighed then I said "  Fine. Is this all you wanted to talk about?"  He said " I have a  question." I said to him "  Go on." 

He asked me " Why do you think you can just walk out like you did?" 

I scoffed at him then said " Because YOU think you can treat people like shit then you leave. When you come back you expect everything to come back to normal. Fuck you."  He then said " But I know you still want more."  I paused. He said "  Deep down you still want more."  He continued asking " Don't you?"  I  stopped.  I knew he was right but I didn't want him to win.  But deep down I felt the pull to come closer to him, I don't think he knew what he was doing to me, hell I didn't know what he did to me. I went over to him and said "  Fuck you."  And I left for my room, I didn't let him say anything to me. 

I came back to my room and I sat down on my bed but then I heard the door open. I jumped up and grabbed a dagger I stole from the training room. I waited for someone to come into the room, and I then waited for the intruder to come to my room. I didn't hear the alarms go off so then this person has seen my code and knows how to put it in. Then I heard the footsteps getting closer, I stepped behind the door and waited.  But then when the person came into the room I saw Kylo, this is my chance to kill him, holy shit. 

I was about to put the knife in his back when the force stopped my hand. I said "  Shit Kylo, you scared the living shit out of me." He said grabbed my neck and said " You don't get to talk to me that way." I said "  Well someone has to." He then started to squeeze my neck but then he stopped. I said nothing to him he then said "  I am your master and superior you don't talk to me that way."  I said "  Well then you don't get to treat me the way you did."  He said "  I can do whatever the fuck I want."  I said " No, you can't."  Kylo grabbed my neck and he threw me onto my bed.  I yelled "  What the fuck?" He said nothing back to me. After a few moments, he said " You need to get punished."  I knew what he meant Gods. Kylo then said " See you want more."  I said " Whatever."  He asked " Are you going to be a good girl and take your punishment?" I don't know what to say my head was saying no but something else was telling me to stay. 

Fuck me. I said "  I will." Kylo said " You will what?" I said "  I will commander." He said "  Good girl."