From the start (Joel Miller x Reader)

Chapter 6

Joel's expression softened, and he gestured toward your living room. "Mind if we sit and talk for a bit?"

You took a deep breath, not knowing if your decision-making would be the best.

"Sure?" You replied guiding him to your couch.

The room was enveloped in an electric tension. Joel's absence after the weekend getaway had left you grappling with a confusing mix of emotions, and you couldn't hold back your frustration any longer.

"Why didn't you reach out to me?" you blurted out, your voice trembling with a mix of frustration and hurt. The words escaped your lips, revealing the confusion that had haunted you ever since the cabin. "After the cabin, I thought we had something... and then, you just disappeared. I didn't know what to think."

Joel's expression darkened, and his gaze dropped to the floor for a moment, the weight of your words sinking in. He let out a heavy sigh, clearly wrestling with his own internal turmoil. "I thought it was for the best," he admitted, his voice tinged with regret. "Considering everything that had happened, I didn't want to complicate things further. But I can't deny that I've thought about you more than I'd like to admit."

You suggested having a cup of tea to unwind and ease the tension that still lingered in the air. You both sat at the couch, the steam rising from your mugs of tea. The room was bathed in the soft glow of the living room's overhead light.

As you took a sip of your tea, Joel's expression grew more serious. "I should be honest with you," he began, his voice tinged with regret. "Linda and I are in the process of getting a divorce. It's a difficult time for both of us, and it might not be the best moment for anything else."

You felt a mixture of emotions, ranging from understanding to frustration. The complexities of your own feelings and the age gap between you and Joel weighed heavily on your mind. "Joel, I get it," you replied. "But I can't help how I feel. I can't turn on and off my feelings. It's not just about the weekend or the attraction. I genuinely care about you."

Joel sighed, his gaze filled with conflict. "I care about you too, and that's why I'm being honest. We have a significant age gap, and I don't want to rush into anything when my personal life is in such disarray. You deserve better than that."

The argument between you and Joel escalated, emotions flaring as the weight of your words and feelings pressed on both of you. The tears welled up in your eyes, and the room felt charged with tension.

"Why did you have an affair with me if you felt this way?" you cried out, your voice cracking. "Why did you play with my feelings?"

Joel's brow furrowed, and his voice grew more impassioned. "I didn't play with your feelings. I care about you, it was real. It wasn't a mistake."

Tears streamed down your cheeks as frustration and hurt tugged at your heart. "Then why all the hesitation now? Why bring up the age gap and the divorce? That didn't seem to bother you when you fucked me on the table"

Joel's voice wavered as he tried to explain himself. "I'm not hesitating because I don't care. It's because life is messy, and I'm in the middle of a difficult chapter. The age gap and the divorce are real challenges, and I want to be sure I won't fuck up your life."

The room echoed with the intensity of your emotions, and the argument hung heavy in the air. Joel's touch, as he wiped away your tears, was a plea for understanding, a desire to quell the rising tensions and find a way to move forward together.

"Please don't cry," he implored, his voice softening. "I don't want to see you hurt, and I don't want it to end like this."

As the charged conversation lingered in the air, Joel's longing became palpable. His hand found its way to your face, and his thumb traced the curve of your cheek.