Caught Between The Tides Of Pain & Rapture | MxM

Chapter 05

Five Years Later: Evanston, Illinois.

Regret dangled on Nathan's shoulders like an oppressive weight, and in every passing second of every day, it showed in his shrunken eyes, and his slightly hunched-over back.

It had been five years since he got married to Ira, his wife, a beautiful woman with a kind soul whom Nathan would never be able to love, not in a romantic sense at least. It had also been five years since he drove Logan away with his cruel tongue, pretending to not care while his younger lover broke down in front of him. And when he realized Logan had left for good, the guilt of leaving him began, consuming Nathan's thoughts all hours of the day. He dreamt of Logan an awful lot too. The man always invaded his dreams, turning them into nightmarish hell every time Nathan closed his eyes after a tiring day.

Today was no different.

Nathan stared at himself in the mirror for a long dragged-out minute. For some odd reason, the man staring back at him did not look like the man he once remembered - carefree and always full of life. Come to think of it, his reflection did not look like him for the longest while. His eyes were always empty, and the darkness underneath them didn't help either. He had lost weight, and his cheekbones had shrunken. He had gotten darker too, and his stomach constantly grumbled these days, crying out for the simple hot meals he rather watch his Ma and Ira eat than feed himself.

With a click of the tongue, he dragged himself away from the mirror and stepped a foot out of the bathroom and into the living area.

"Why are you frowning?" Anika, Nathan's Ma asked as she took a cautious step out of the bedroom doorway. The apartment only had one bedroom, and since it was the only place they could afford in Evanston for now, he and Ira agreed his Ma should take it. "Aren't you excited for the first day of work?"

Nathan cleared his throat and loosened the tie around his neck. "Just nervous, Ma," he said, looking at his mother's shaky form from head to toe. "Ma... You know you don't have to come outside. The doctor said you're not supposed to be walking about for the next couple of days."

A warm smile appeared on Anika's face, causing the lines on her lips and forehead to deepen. "I'm alright," she said. "I just wanted to see you before you go."

Nathan sighed.

Two years ago, back in Georgetown, his father's businesses went bankrupt because of an investor who came to the city. They opened bigger, better convenience supermarkets across Texas, all of them just a stone's throw away from Rohan's smaller ones. In the beginning, there were no issues, but when they began losing customers and the bank stopped loaning them money, there was nothing anybody could do.

It happened so fast, like in a blink of an eye.

Nathan had tried to think of the positive, he went out and sought out work; he had a wife after all. His father should've done the same, instead, the man sat at home all day, wallowing in self-pity and drowning himself in liquor while his mother slowly developed arthritis. It came unexpectedly and took over her entire body, so she spent most of her days bedridden. It didn't take a year later before they found his father dead a back ally. Apparently his heart gave out from drinking too much - dead at only fifty-five.

Afterward Nathan left Georgetown with Ira and his mother; the place had nothing to offer them anyway. They had moved to Jefferson, and then Denver before they settled on Evanston a week ago.

When Ira appeared from the kitchen, stuffing a wrapped sandwich into a lunch bag with a bottle of water, Nathan smiled. Although he did not love Ira in an intimate way, or any woman, he appreciated her. She was a good woman, understanding, and kind. He truly did not deserve her. "I made you a sandwich," she said, mirroring his mother's gentle smile. "Don't mess this up, okay? Be nice - just do what they say and don't question anything. You need this job."