Shea & War

Chapter 2

The Realization That I'm A Total Piece Of Shit

War

What the fuck, my head is fucking pounding. I haven't even opened my eyes and I can feel my pulse throbbing in my eyes. My mouth and throat are dryer than a motherfucker, and my jaw hurts like hell, fuck, was I in a fight last night? Why the fuck can't I remember anything? Where's Shea? What the fuck time is it?   I give up trying not to move my aching head, rolling slightly on my side, I can just see the clock on Sheas bedside table, 1:30 in the fucking afternoon? No wonder she isn't in bed, what the fucks going on?

"Shea, Shea, where are you baby? I feel like hell, what the fuck happened last night?"   Yelling out just about made my head explode, fuck, I'm in sorry shape. Waiting for Shea to respond I grab my phone to see if she's left the house.

I've got a fuck ton of missed texts and calls, most of them from Mandi. I know she's got some problems, but I'm getting real tired of her thinking that I'm the solution to all her issues. Shea is pretty irritated with all the calls and texts from Mandi and she doesn't even know how much the girl is calling and texting me, and the guys at the club are all warning me about her. At first I really thought I was helping her, now I think maybe the guys are right and she's trying to get more from me.  At first I was just trying to lend a hand to her, like the club did for me when I was in the system, but I kind feel like now she wants more than a friend.

Fuck it, she's so far down my priority list, I'll deal with Mandis shit later, I don't see anything from Shea, but there's a video from Stoner, so I'll check that out before I call around for Shea.

Fuck

Fuck

Fuck

What the fuck am I doing in this video? It looks like I'm fucking Mandi in the middle of a party, I've got my leg jammed between her legs, and she's fuckin grinding up on me, her face looks like she's about to cum. How the fuck don't I remember this? Jumping out of bed I get the spins so bad I race into the bathroom and puke in the toilet. I'm fucking panicking and vomiting, trying to figure out what's going on with Shea, is that why she isn't home? Watching the video again, it looks like Mandi is fucking naked, did I have sex with her? I haven't fucked anyone other than Shea since she finished high school, I haven't even touched someone since before then! As soon as Shea was old enough, she was it for me, forever.

I wash my face and brush my teeth, run downstairs to try and track down my wife. Stopping abruptly when I see her sitting on the porch outside, in the swing that we bought each other for our first wedding anniversary. I know that she can hear me, but she isn't turning my way. On a gut level I know that she's seen the video.

Breaking into a cold sweat, I watch her, sitting still and quiet, not moving, but I sense and fucking feel her heartbreak from here.

Walking outside through the doors, I can hear her soft voice. "I guess you saw your video from last night, you were kind of the star of the show." Her voice is so fucking sad, and it's my fault.

Sitting next to her in the seat, she scoots over to the other side, she won't look at me, hurt and pain radiate off her body, fresh tears roll out of her puffy and reddened eyes and down her cheeks, over the tracks of previously dried tears.

"I saw it, but I don't fucking know what happened. I don't remember it Shea, I don't know what I did. The last thing I remember was getting a beer earlier in the night with you, after we arrived. Then I woke up here, I swear, I don't know what happened!" I'm so fucking panicked right now, what the fuck's going on?

"I don't know what happened either War. You were completely out of it, mumbling and slurring your words, you couldn't talk or walk. It wasn't just beer, you must have taken some kind of drug, I don't know what, but that wasn't just alcohol you were on."