HER

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!! TW: MENTIONS OF BRUTALITY , MURDER , SUICIDE , BLOOD!!

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HER

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She did it....She actually did it? I held the cold hands of the fallen body as fear seeped into my mind like slow poison. As if a predator waiting on its prey, slowly devouring it.

I didn't mean for her to die. I had to act fast, before anyone found her. All these thoughts ran a marathon around my head as I dug a hole. How this happen, I tried to recall everything that happened in the span of the past week. It was on Monday that I saw her making her way to me. She swung her hair with ease as she sat down and introduced herself. It was a moment I would never forget, I looked in her eyes and thought they looked mesmerizing but now all that is left are dead, cold eyes that shall remain closed forever.

I dragged her body into the hole. My nails full of dirt, my jacket coloured with vivid red blood. Right, now what happened on Tuesday? I questioned my brain, it gave no answer. I glanced at my watch, it was late. If I didn't get home then, grandma was going to get worried. I quickly dusted my clothes, buried my jacket along her side, made sure the job was done and left to home. These thoughts pondered my mind till it became clear.

Let's go back a week in time, on Tuesday. We exchanged numbers the previous day, so we stayed up talking all night. I grabbed some flowers from my garden and headed straight to her office. She bought me breakfast and when I was leaving she kissed me on my cheek. I remember feeling like the luckiest guy on earth. I unknowingly smiled to myself while going down the memory lane. But......her dead face, the same lips she kissed me with turned purple .....Was it all because of me? Did I kill her? Did I kill the girl I once loved? It brought me back to reality.

My grandma screamed as I scrambled and rushed to help her, I saw her lying down having a seizure. I got her onto the table and gave her keys to hold. Tears welled up in my eyes as I realised if I didn't get a job soon, the only person I care about in this living world is going to leave me just like....just like her. After I made sure grandma was sleeping, I headed to the woods or more specifically the hole I dug. I brought her body up and grabbed her ring. Was stealing from the dead considered stealing? I didn't want to think twice, I felt the ring in my pocket as buried her. This is for grandma. I reminded myself. I headed straight to a pawn shop and then the hospital. As I lay on the cold floor of the hospital, Wednesday's memories came flooding.

I invited her to my house, just to test if she would still be with me even if she knew I was broke. I remember, when smiled and hugged my grandma. She was instantly loved by everyone in the house, which was just me and my grandma. I remember when I walked her home and wrapped my jacket around her shivering self. The same jacket that is now buried side to her dead body. It woke me up and I couldn't fall asleep after.

Ok, Now Thursday....I grabbed my sketchbook and started to scribble some doodles while I thought of us on Thursday. It was my sister's death anniversary. She died 3 years ago when she was brutally murdered on my birthday. I was sent my little bundle of sunshine, cut and parcelled into a box, as my birthday present. I was at her grave, I brought flowers for my little sister. I cried and cried until the love of my love joined me, patting my back. But how did she know I was there? This question lingered in my brain. Something didn't fit in, it was the next morning already. I didn't get a wink of sleep last night. I freshened up for the day, tended to my grandma and then left for my safe space, my sister's grave. What happened on Friday?

And it finally revealed a part of my memory that is soo very crucial. I ...how did I forget this....I remember walking to her house, her mother let me in. I texted her letting her know I was there, she asked me to find her earrings, which she apparently lost. I started searching her room. I found her diary. Something told me to read it. I asked her if I can. Her reply came after a whole 15 minutes, a simple 'Yes'. I spent the whole day reading it. My hands started to shiver....the girl I love....no loved is a monster. She...she killed my sister. I was out of breath, I grabbed the diary and ran home.

She called me later that day, I refused to pick it up. She came to my house the next day, I refused to open it. She finally texted me on Sunday, explaining everything. Her story went along the lines of.... "I'm sorry that I killed your sister. I promise you, I feel the guilt eating me away every single waking day. Your sister has bullied me for 4 years Online. I tried to play it as joke but..... but it got soo bad, I tried to kill myself. Over the year she tried to talk me, bully me, tried to convince me to die.

Still I tried to look at the optimistic side but one day, she and I met at a bar. And all these years of bullying got to me, I killed her. All this while, she begged me to leave her, saying she has a family and that she is the only sister you got. But what about me, what about my family. I am their only daughter too. Her last breath was dedicated to you, saying it was your birthday and to leave her.....to let her be, unlike what she did to me. I don't know what took over me, I cut her to pieces and delivered her to her house with a card "Happy Birthday". It was as if I was not me, because I am not inhuman ...right ....right? But.... once I saw your face, it broke me out of the trance. Seeing your devastated face made me realise what I had done.

I realized what I had just done, I broke a family. I ran away from there. From that day forward I stalked you, I loved you every second. You were my only justification. Every time I saw you ...I saw you as means to redeem myself of my sins. If I helped you and your family maybe the guilt that had me on a choke-hold would finally free me. Every year I visit her grave just to see you from afar. Loving you mean forgiving and apologizing to her. I finally had the courage to approach you a week ago.... Made you love me. And ...... and when you asked me if you can my diary in which I explained everything...... I thought about it......... hard......and realised you deserve the truth. So I said "yes" I knew the damage it could do .... But I love you. Not only do I love you, I care for you."

I simply relied with a "you don't deserve to live" and she sent me a location. I went to that location the next morning and you know what happened right.... I understood everything..... Every little thing. But why do I not remember it? I scovered the net, it said that a traumatic accident big enough, the shock it produces can pause and lock away memories for a short period of time. Guess that's what happened in my case. Did she deserve it? I don't know. Did my sister deserve it? No. But life has to go on. Everything was just fine.

Fine.

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WORD COUNT: 1343

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