ˢʰᵒʳᵗ ˢᵗᵒʳⁱᵉˢ

And Yet I Am

TW: Panic attack, feelings of depression.

...

The words of my peers and the worlds of the universe swirled below me. Billions and trillions of lives; lives with a purpose. Yet here I stand, an existence made for nothing. My Creator simply had time, and created the meaningless body of myself.

Faces of smiles and sorrow stared back. The scars of wandering the worlds were visible on my legs, though blurry through my tears. I fell to my knees, the sharp pain that shot through my legs were ignored as I stared between me and what could be a life of greatness.

My thoughts echoed like my voice in the void.

"Why am I here?"
"To please the voyeurs."
"What is my purpose?"
"To have none."
"Why do I exist?"
"..."

   No matter how many times I think it, there is no answer. My existence is meaningless, and so are the duties I perform.

   My hands shake, my breaths are short, and the void seemed to spin faster and faster. No one could help me, and I could not help myself. I am simply... inane.

"Grey..." A voice spoke out of the world. "Grey." My breath hitched and my chest throbbed. My mouth was wide open in a silent scream, as the pain of existing crashed over me.

"Grey, it's true I didn't give you a purpose."

My forehead touched the ever frozen floor. Salty tears dripped into my mouth and onto the ground.

"I didn't give you one because I wanted you to find your own purpose. Grey, you can be anything you want to be. You could be anyone you want to be. I'm giving you this freedom. Please, Grey. Understand my intentions."

I took a breath. My own purpose. A splitting headache seemed to rip through my brain. What I want. I took my head in my hands and pressed against the areas of pain inside. What you have the ability to be. I whimpered at the painful effect of my harsh tears. Perception flooded my body, and I felt the relief of the final truth of my existence. I understand what I have to do.

My purpose is to find my meaning. I was going to keep exploring, I was going to see those faces of my peers, of my friends, and I was going to find what made them meaningful. Maybe, just maybe, if I find meaning in others, I'll be able to find my own.