April 20, 2028
He stepped in. The place he loved most, a place that holds abundance of memories that he cherishes. His home, their home. Also the place they left behind five years ago, they abandoned it long time ago, but here again he is standing in the middle of their living room, with a silence. Everything was there, their favorite couch that they shared together, the TV, the cupboard that they put their every picture and their tape player though it was old to their generation, they loved it, and still they do, but all of those were covered with white clothes. Showing the past memories that they locked behind a door. Their own apartment.
Seeing theses, he wished he could go back in time, to their past and stop right there. Stop the time and live there forever, live in that moment. The moment he misses so much. He misses every year here, every month here, every week, every day, every minute and every second they spent here together. He wants to go back to that time, just like in those countless fictional books that he reads in the library. He can't―that's the reality he doesn't want to admit.
Now he here is, in a day that he values so much. A day he couldn't forget. After nearly five years, he made up his mind and stepped into their apartment. To celebrate it, with a heavy heart. He doesn't want to abandon that day, just like this place. Past five years, he didn't celebrate it, he thought he would come and they can celebrate it together, but he didn't come. He kept waiting―he didn't come. He made up his mind and came here to celebrate that day, at their own place. In between happiness and sadness―bittersweet.
Every time when he looks into something, memories keep running towards him. The couch that they shared, the place where they shared their day, ups and downs, happy moments and sad ones. Another place that embraced all of their memories. The kitchen counter, where he sits until his lover makes something delicious only for him. The TV, which they watched every genre they wanted, wrapped up in a warm blanket together, while sitting on their couch. The tape player, that played their favorite ones. Their own collection over and over again, while following each other footsteps. They danced in the middle of the night, entering to their own world. They danced with a help of a dim light, while holding each other's hands, surrounded with those night city lights. The most favorite part in their memories. He still remembers the taste of those wines that they drank with a loud cheer. He misses everything that they did. All are gone and in the past―their past memories.
He stepped into their bedroom. A place where they shared each other warmth. In cold winter and also in hot summer, but that bed now embraced the coldness. He feels the warmth yet it's cold. The white table that they shared. The white table, also held some of their pictures together. Those were still there, but covered with the old dust. They were getting old―lonely. Just like him.
He went closer to the table, took one of those picture in his hand and wiped the dust off. Two people are smiling while looking at each other. With so much of love, holding in those eyes. He misses that gazes with full of love. Now, he can't see those and he can't look at anyone with those eyes. Those love gazes only meant to him, only for him. He placed it back again and sent his hand to one of those drawers. He opened it and saw some of their items. Two important things caught his eyes. His lover's phone and a tape recorder. He took those and sat on the bed.
He turned on the phone. It's still working. Again two males showed up in the screen, them. He unlocked the phone. 090204 remembering the password. His birthday and the day he doesn't like anymore. The gallery was filled with their pictures, mostly picture of himself. He went to the call logs.
'Love' the number of him. He saved it like that. He misses that word. That word still rings in his ears, somewhere far away. He looked at the last call that was for him. On February ninth, five years ago. He remembered it.
"Jay where are you? Aren't you coming?"
"I am on my way love, don't you want your birthday present and the cake. I will get that quickly and come soon, Okay Jungwon?"
"Okay fine, come quickly, I am waiting. Come without a present or even without the cake. I don't care. You are the important one"
"I know, I know. I love you"
He remembered. He never came home. No presents, no cakes, nothing. Not even his lover. He felt his cheeks getting warmer, with tears. One after another, tears stared to roll down on his pale skin. He couldn't hold it anymore. How can he hold it on? How can he forget that day? Forget that cruel fate? He is still his lover. He can't forget that. Though he keeps telling, it will be okay, say that he's okay, it's not like that. He is not okay. It's unbearable. He doesn't know, where he is now. Maybe only heaven knows? He doesn't know. Nothing about his lover. He got up while holding the phone and that old tape recorder.
He went to the living room again, putting that phone and that tape on the table. He opened a white box, reveling a beautiful cake in it.
"Happy birthday Jay hyung" that was on it with some simple decorations. He took it out and lit up a candle.
"This is for you" he said and closed his eyes to make a wish, before blowing the candle.
"Wherever he is, I wish him lasting happiness" he wished and blew the candle. He cut the cake and placed a slice on a plate with a fork.
"Your favorite" he said. "I miss you, and I know this is crazy but I wanted to do this. It's been five years and still I can't. I can't heal myself. I sometimes stay up all night, I don't know what to do" he broke into tears. He cried for a while.
"I have one more thing to do Jay hyung" he got up, taking the tape recorder in his hand again. He went to the tape player and put recorder in it. Music started to play, filling every corner of this lonely apartment with its melodies. He placed little steps, step by step. Started to dance, to their favorite ones. They made this playlist together. Most of the time, they danced to these songs, together, holding each other hands and following each other's steps. That time, they were together, but this time only him in the living room, dancing with the help of a dim light. He was alone, without his lover's hand on his waist, without his loving gaze on him, without his smell on him―without his lover. He misses everything, every inch of those memories. Today he felt different, completely different. Today here, he is dancing without him, alone. Today, he is dancing with his lover's ghost.
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I got the idea from that song above. Some of you may know, some of you may not know, but I hope you all will enjoy this. There will be some grammatical errors, please bear with me for that! Enjoy!
