Silver roses 【soukoku】

Chapter 29.

Something was off with Dazai, Chuuya could tell then moment they began working. Dazai seemed more snappy than usual, and he could feel the tension between him and Fyodor. 

They would occasionaly say something to each other in Russian, while Nikolai would just look at the two of them like a bomb was about to expload. 

Chuuya thought he finally knew Dazai. That he finally understood how he worked. Boy, was he wrong. Dazai was like a fucking onion. Everytime you thought you could see it all, there came another fucking layer. 

He'd been the obnoxious jerk at first. 

Then he'd been someone who payed Chuuya way too much attention. 

Briefly, he'd been more than a friend. 

Then he'd turned into some guilty Romeo. 

And now, he was someone who didn't feel like Dazai. He had the same eyes, the same hair and the same voice, but there was no emotion. By no emotion, he means there was nothing. No anger, no like, no sadness, no annoyance, it was just- emptiness. 

Chuuya decided this was his least favorite Dazai. 

He tried to catch Dazai's eyes multiple times, and it wasn't like Dazai avoided it. He looked straight at Chuuya, but it was like he'd blocked him out. No matter how many subtle, 'You good?' actions Chuuya did with his eyes, he was always met with that lifeless stare. 

It was pissing him off, and also making him a little uneasy. 

"So, it's final? Total slides will be about 14, and Dazai will be speaking. Along with input from all of us, of course." Fyodor said, his accent making him sound more commanding. He didn't seem like the kind of person that would do all the work, yet he was surprisingly efficient. 

Nikolai seemed quite, and Akutagawa was....well Akutagawa. He didn't seem phased at all by the weird energy in the room, or perhaps he didn't really care. 

Chuuya had been a little out of touch with his friend group, thanks to the pink and brown that clouded his head right now. 

On top of that, he'd received no text back from Arthur. It wasn't that uncommon, really. Chuuya had went months without a single check up from his legal guardian, and he was fine with it. He was just happy that whenever they got the time, they did behave like an actual family. 

It was better than most people could say. 

He scribbled on his notebook, not really paying attention. His basketball sessions would start soon again, and he needed to make up for the 15 days he'd lost. Chuuya's best bet for college was basketball, and he needed to go all out in his season to be something noteworthy. 

"Ok, before we move on to the next presentation, does anyone want any drinks? Snacks or anything?" Dazai asked, getting up from his position on the couch, and Nikolai nodded, as if he'd been waiting for this. 

Fyodor muttered something in Russian, and Dazai flipped him off. At Chuuya's raised eyebrows, Nikolai said- "He just asked if there was poison in it." And Chuuya decided to not ask from any more translations. 

Maybe he was better off not knowing. 

He didn't want to think anymore. Why was this his responsibility? Aren't people his age supposed to have fun and like- do something with their life? 

Yet here he was, looking for ways to get his supposed father in jail. Dazai grunted in annoyance as he opened the kitchen cabinets to look for food. He needed a minute alone, and getting snacks had been the easiest way to go out, without raising suspicion. 

Dazai, frankly, did not care about Fyodor or Nikolai or whatever the fuck was going on between them. What he did care about, was how Nikolai had gotten Mori to not do anything to him. Maybe he just didn't have anything to care about. 

Nikolai was an orphan, as far as Dazai knew, he had no body. That was why Mori had been interested in him at first. But it soon became clear that he was unstable to be of any use to him. Both mentally and physically. 

Dazai couldn't understand why Mori didn't mind Nikolai and Fyodor dating, but seemed on a warpath to destroy anything that Dazai considered of value of him. Dazai could still remember that night with Oda, where he'd given up so much just to get Dazai. 

Mori would pay for all he'd done. That man deserved to rot in hell. 

Dazai searched absent-mindedly through his cupboards, and was suddenly, he could feel another presence in the room. "What?" he asked without turning. There was just one person he didn't wish to speak to. Knowing his luck, it was probably him. 

"Why the fuck are you avoiding me?" Chuuya asked, crossing his arms, and glaring at Dazai. Dazai groaned internally and looked at Chuuya. Bad move. Bad fucking move. Every glance Dazai took at the redhead, he was reminded of all that he couldn't have Chuuya. Chuuya was beautiful. Inside and out. And he somehow had a chance. A chance with someone so human that Dazai felt like ripping his hair out at the unfairness of it all. 

"I'm not avoiding you. Maybe you don't have as much importance in my life as you claim." Dazai replied, his harsh words sounding like ice. To his credit, Chuuya didn't react at badly as Dazai thought he might. 

"Coming from someone who used to beg me to drop and pick him from his house everyday from school, you don't sound convincing." He simply said, and Dazai resisted his urge to smile. If they were in a mafia, Chuuya would be a force to reckon with. 

With that fiery tempter and that smart mouth, no doubt about it. "Get over it Chuuya. Let's get back, I don't have any snacks as it turns out." Suppressing his urge to make a joke, he moved past Chuuya, hoping to get past the small man without any fights. 

He jinxed it. 

Chuuya grabbed his arm and turned him around, to they were inches apart. "Bull-fucking-shit. You're tearing yourself apart over something I'm damn sure you can't control. You either live in the past or you worry about the future. What about now Dazai? When will you live in the present?" He asked. His voice seemed soft enough, but there was a hard edge to it. 

"What's there in the now? I would rather plan a future that I enjoyed." A future with you and me, and preferably a dead Mori. 

"I'm here in the now. And you're here in the now. You might not get that in the future." Chuuya replied, and walked away. 

Dazai was left staring after him, and he pushed down his urge to throw up again. Chuuya didn't understand- how could Dazai expect him to? Dazai had given him no explanations about anything, and Chuuya still talked to him like nothing had changed. He looked at Dazai as he was someone, an actual person, not just snippets of people he'd picked up. 

His stomach was turning over, and Dazai was grateful he hadn't eaten anything. Throwing up in front of Fedya wasn't something he was keen to do. 

"Great news. I have no snacks so we'll all sit here hungry until we finish our work. Amazing. Any questions? No. OK let's move on." Dazai said as he came back into the room, determined to not let Mori ruin his life. 

Or whatever was left of his life. 

He really needed a coffee. 

Author's notes: 

I have so many exams Im sorry im not uploading. BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE NEW CHAPTER EH? 

also i kinda forgot what my og plotline for this was so like- Im jus gonna wing it. I also forgot what i've already written in here so im gonna have to re read this when i have the time. Im not planning on giving this up so yuh for that. 

Ty for sticking around if ur still here and ty for all the comments, i love reading them. 

mwah have a nice day