Wildest Dreams

Ch. 1

 He doesn't remember his past, his name, anything. But he sees her. Sees her in his dreams, in the back of his mind her figure is the sole thing that remains. He doesn't know her, not really. Not her name, or if she's actually real or just a figment of imagination. But he wants to believe it was real.

Her hair blowing in a soft breeze, a slip soft as silk hugging her curves... he can almost feel it in the tips of his fingers. An orange sunset falling behind her as she turns to him. The smile. Red lips and pearly whites shining bright for him, just for him. Rosy cheeks as she demurely, softly, tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear. Her eyes sparkle in the sunset, glisten as they look at him with something that can only be described as pure love. Her lips move to speak, but he can't hear her voice. He wants to hear that voice more than anything in this world. But he can read those crimson lips. Say you'll see me again. He lives for those words. They twist and turn in his gut.

A silent soldier, pining for something he's not even sure is real.

-.-

"Bucky...?"

"Who the hell is Bucky?"

That name. That face. His mark, he knew him. I knew him. Before I could think about it further I had to run from the scene. In a dark corner, a dark ally, memories came to light. A young sickly boy. Then the man he saw earlier? It wasn't making sense. Then her. Scenes from his dream replayed, but more.

My hands in her hair. Bare shoulders, soft skin. Tangled sheets. Her hands on my chest. Lips parted in pleasure. Smooth legs.

It made my heart race as I pressed the heel of my palms to my eyes. The pain behind my eyes and in my head blossoming. It hurt. Just as I was about to scream in agony, the softest voice. "Bucky..."

Her voice. I knew it. In my soul, in my bones. The sweetest voice I've ever heard. I needed to find her. I had to find her. But before I could rush away to do so, I was called back by my handlers. Confused, I complied.

-.-

More flashes. Of pain. Of falling. The man... Steve? Calling out a name. My Name? I can hear my handler ask for a mission report, but I'm too lost in my own head.

And then a slap suddenly snaps me back.

"That man on the bridge... Who was he?"

My handler straightens out. "You met him earlier this week on another assignment."

"I knew him." I let it out before I could catch myself. My brain a jumbled mess.

My handler sits in front of me and begins to speak. "Your work has been a gift to mankind. You shaped the century, and I need you to do it one more time. Society is at a tipping point between order and chaos. Tomorrow morning we're gonna give it a push. But, if you don't do your part, I can't do mine, and HYDRA can't give the world the freedom it deserves."

Freedom? HYDRA? Why does those two words strike two different cords in me? As if they don't belong together. I want to know more about myself. More about Steve. More about her.

"But I knew him." I knew her. I have a life, somewhere, sometime ago. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of this life of the silent soldier. I want more.

"Prep him."

No please. I need to remember. I need to find her, find myself.

"He's been out of cryo-feeze too long."

"Then wipe him and start over."

My body complies, while my mind races. The pain is excruciating. I forget about the man on the bridge. I forget the name he utters. But her. She remains. She's there, in the deepest edges of my mind. Her red lips and rosy cheeks.

-.-

The fighting is tearing me up inside. A part of it doesn't feel right. Before I know it he's... Steve... he's helping me out from under some rubble. I want to thank him, but a part of me knows my objective, my mission. I attack him.

"You know me."

My mind is splitting, fracturing in pain and I lash out at him. "NO, I DON'T!"

"Bucky, you've known me your whole life."

My mind continues to ache, and the only relief I can find is to pummel him, beat him down. A part of me is fighting the action, but it's been engraved in me to do what I was ordered to do.

"Your name... is James Buchanan Barnes."

Another blow. "SHUT UP!!!"

"I'm not gonna fight you." He removes his mask and drops his shield. "You're my friend."

I push him down into the ground as my mind fractures at his words and the pain intensifies. I need it to stop. "You're my mission." He lays there and takes it. Blow after blow. "YOU'RE..."

Blow.

"MY..."

Blow.

"MISSION!!"

Blow.

He looks at me and speaks even after the blows I've dealt. "Then finish it..."

I lift my hand up to deliver another blow and I just... I can't. Part of my fractured mind has won over, and I see images of the man before me, in another time.

"Cause I'm with you... to the end of the line."

I see him. I see my friend. I see flashes of scrawny Steve. I see flashes of us. Of her walking hand in hand with me and giggling at something Steve did. And as my memories start flooding me, the world beneath him gives way. Sending him into an abyss. I know then and there, in a deep recess of my mind, that he's my friend. So I jump in and pull him to safety.

I contemplate staying at his side, to make sure he'll be fine. But then I hear her voice in my mind. "Bucky..." I need to find her. So I leave Steve, knowing he will be okay. I venture off to find the nameless beauty that haunts my wildest dreams.