Rudy's POV
"So... you and Kim?", Madelyn teased me and nudged my arm with her elbow to get my attention. I turned my head to face her and shrugged, before glancing back down.
"I don't know.", I answered, staring at the glass of beer in front of me, that I nervously played around with.
"What do you mean, you don't know? Do you like her or not?", Madelyn wanted to know and I stayed silent. No, I didn't like her. In fact, she annoyed me. Lately, pretty much everything annoyed me. Lately, I wasn't myself. I wasn't as happy, as energetic, as carefree or as optimistic. Lately, I felt the exact opposite. I was tired and I got caught up in my thoughts a lot. I felt the need to be alone all the time, but when I did, I mostly felt lonely. And when I did spend time with my friends, I easily felt irritated by them. I felt misunderstood, sort of left out. Like I didn't belong with them. It wasn't their fault. It was me.
In the last two years, my life had been crazy. Due to Outer Banks, we basically got famous overnight. Suddenly, everything changed and things got crazy very quickly. Everything happened so fast and I felt, like I was high on adrenaline every day. Now, two seasons into it, things slowly start to feel normal. The shooting, the press, the fans, everything feels like a routine, but somehow, I missed the point of finding my place in it. Big crowds suddenly scared me. Press days gave me anxiety. Meeting fans on the street made me feel uncomfortable. And while I struggled to finally find some peace in my new life, everyone else seemed to be a step ahead of me.
"I don't think so.", I eventually answered and looked back at Madelyn to see her smile at me sadly.
"You know, you can always talk to us, right?", she asked and I nodded.
"Yeah. It's just... I think I feel a little homesick, you know?", I replied, thinking, that homesickness was the closest that could describe the chaos inside of me. And maybe, I was homesick. Not for a place, but maybe for something, that would give me peace.
"Would it help, if I talked in an Alaskan accent?", Madelyn said with a Canadian accent and I laughed.
"That was Canadian.", I said and Madelyn put on a frown.
"As if there was a difference. Yo, Maddie, can you put on an Alaskan accent?!", Madelyn called over to where Madison stood at the bar with Chase and Jonathan. The three of them turned around and walked over to us, setting down their drinks on the high table.
"Alaskan accent? I don't know, why don't you ask Rudy?", Madison said and looked back and forth between me and Madelyn.
"He's homesick and I wanted to bring Alaska closer to him. He said, that I sounded Canadian though.", Madelyn explained and soon enough, an argument broke out on how Alaskan people sounded. To be fair, Madelyns try to cheer me up did work. For a moment, I was glad, that my friends were there. Even though they couldn't heal the chaos inside me, I knew, that they tried their best to be there for me. And sometimes, that was enough.
"Rudy doesn't have an accent."
"But he says yah instead of yeah, I mean that's gotta be a north thing.", Madelyn argued with Chase and I chuckled. Taking a sip from my drink, I amusedly listened to my friends arguing, when suddenly, another voice caught my attention. My body froze and I felt my heart skip a beat, when a memory flashed trough my head. I put the glass back down and lifted my head, focussing on the voice, that suddenly filled the whole room. I knew that voice.
"...right, Rudy?", Madison asked and I looked at her blankly.
"What?", I said quietly, still trying to figure out, if my mind was playing tricks on me or not.
