Secrets and Regrets

5

Mello's mind was reeling. It wasn't possible it couldn't be.

"What do you mean, dying?" The blond teen asked, his heart dropping into his stomach.

"I meant exactly what I said," Near replied.

"No, that can't be right. Y-you can't -"

" You asked for the truth, and there it is. Now you can -"

"There has to be something, there's always something," Mello said. Near took hold of Mello's wrist.

"You should sit down." The teen suggested, pulling him down onto the edge of the bed. "It's going to be a long night...for both of us." Several minutes passed in silence. Mello didn't know what to think. He felt sick.

"What's-"

"Mello."

"You might as well tell me. Maybe we can find something."

"You have to understand, I was born sick," Near explained. "There was never a chance it would get better."

"So all this time, all those hospital stays-"

"My illness is slowly progressing. My body's been killing me from the day I was born. I never wanted you to see any of this."

"You knew all this time and never told me?" Mello's tone was filled with a mix of pain and anger.

"It was best that you didn't know. Also, I didn't think you'd really care to know. We're not close like we used to be."

"Why do you think that? I mean, about me not caring?

"We drifted apart after we became the top two at the house. I was holding you back.  From the time I was old enough to understand, I've known that the only thing these treatments were doing was easing the symptoms. I was afraid at first, but You were there. Those times you sat with me, you were a comfort to me. I'm grateful for that, but I've learned to accept it." Mello shook his head.

"It can't be right. You have so much more-you've always been the best. We both know you'll be the next L, so there's no-" Near sighed. 

"No, You will be. I haven't been trying to take L's place. I've been pushing you to do it." Mello shook his head.

"No, I don't get it, you've-"

"All those times you said you couldn't keep up. You thrive on competition. I did what I had to do to keep you going. That's all I could give you, Mello.  After everything you did for me. I'm sorry for all the-"

"Stop." Mello sobbed, "Why would you do that? he way I treat you-"

"We were friends once," Near explained. "I knew the pressure was a lot for you, So I gave you a push when you needed it, and maybe...I love you too. I just wanted to repay you for being with me. " Again, Mello pressed his lips to Near's head, pulling away to rest his forehead against Near.

"You can't leave me. I can't do this if you're not here. You have to keep fighting." He pleaded. "There are still options, right?"

"There's no cure, and my body is failing. You'll have to learn to deal with things without me."

"What if I don't want to?" Near scoffed.

"Neither of us have a choice. Everyone dies eventually. I'm not afraid of it. I just-"

"Promise me that you're going to let me be here beside you, always, and I'll make you a promise too. No more pushing you away, no more acting like a jerk. I want to show you how much you mean to me."

"Don't ask me to show you what it's like to be stuck with a dying partner. You were never supposed to see the end."

"Near, if I have to lose you, let me see what loving you's like. Let me try to make up for the time I spent being mean to you." Near sighed heavily, taking a moment to think it over.

"I don't want you here when it happens. I don't want this to be your last memory of me, lying here like this."

"Don't worry about that. We'll make plenty of new memories, good ones. L- Let's start over. " Mello offered.

"Mello-"

"Let me try, Near. You won't have to  do this alone."

"Dying is a lonely thing, Mello. It's not something we-" Near paused, feeling a  sudden wave of dizziness. 

"Do you need a  doctor?" Mello asked in a concerned tone.

"N-no. I just- Will you sit here for a while?"

"As long as you want, Near." The blond brushed back a few strands of white hair from the ill boy's face.

"Mello?"

"What?"

"I'm glad you're here."

"I wish it was better circumstances, but I am too. Get some rest, we have a lot to talk about later."