I was just a kid

Realization

Ethan's pov

It was morning again. The weather was nicer than expected, the sun was lightly caressing Ethan's skin, as he woke up. 

He seemed to fall asleep, sitting on the floor of his hallway. When did he fall asleep? That was an unanswered question for him. Last night's news were quite of shocking. He didn't knew much about his uncle, not even his job. Maybe he worked as something illegal? How is he gonna pay all the debt his uncle left for him? He needs a job. Maybe something he could do after school. The boy rushed to his room to get ready.

Later, in school he noticed a paper on the floor of the chemistry classroom. Ethan picked the paper up, and started reading it. It was a cafe's advertisement, they were searching for a cashier and a cleaner. Hmm... Being a cashier sounded like a great option, to pay off his debt, plus he needs money for food too. 

After school, he went to check out if they still need a new worker. Luckily, they hired him as a cashier. Ethan was happy that he got the job, but it seemed like the cafe was desperate for someone to work there, he thought, but he quickly forgot about it.

On his way home, he saw Xander and Mattheo chatting on a playground. For a second, he thought of greeting them, but shaking his head helped to give up on that idea. Suddenly, he heard an energetic voice from the direction of the playground.

-Alex, Isn't that your friend?

-He's not my friend!-shrugged Alexander.

Ethan stopped for a moment, looked at them, and then continued walking home. That hatefull look in Xander's eyes inspired the brown haired boy to continue walking. Maybe he should give up on him?

The next day, he stepped into the cafe. His first day of work has officially started! There was an other cashier too, who introduced themself to him. Their name was Blake, Blake Dekker. A few people stopped by to order coffee or something else, so he was not bored. At the end of his shift, he said goodbye to Blake, and left. It was a pretty good start of his new job. 

As the days went by, Ethan started to like his job. It was pretty easy, and it was good to work with Blake. In school, Xander bullied him, just like usual. One day, he was kicked on the floor, with a few bruises on his body. Alexander was laughting at him with Mattheo. At that moment, realization hit him straight into his heart. He gave up on Xander. After all those years, he finally gave up on him. He stood up and walked away, not caring about the boys yelling behind him. He gave up. The last drop of hope in his life was gone, and with that drop of hope, his soul was gone too.

Alexander's pov

 The brown haired boy stood up, and left. When Alex stopped laughting, he realized what was happening. How did he dare! He can't just leave like that!

-Get back here Bastard!-the boy seemed like as if he heard nothing.

-Calm down Bro!-said Mattheo, placing a hand on his shoulder.

He shook his friend's hand off, and ran after Evan. Or his name was Eric? Ennard? Elex? What was his name again? He stopped running after him,in realization. He doesn't remember his name. That boy was there in his whole life, and Alex can't remember the name of him. Tears rolled down his face, but even he was not able to explain why. He just stood there in complete silence, with all those tears breaking their way trought his eyes. 

-What was his name...?-Alexander asked, but not from his friend. He asked himself.

Mattheo cathed up to him, confused about his friend's sudden breakdown. He tried to get answers out of him, but failed, and gave up. Even thought he stopped crying, Alexander was silent on the whole way home. At home, he searched his old photo album, trying to find a photo with the brown haired guys name. He found nothing. He looked throught his phone contacts. He found nothing. He even looked throught his old drawings from the time he was young, but he found nothing that could've helped him. Alex banged his head in the wall of his room.

-Remember it!-he yelled.-Remember it! Remember it! Remember it!-he kept hitting the wall with his head.

Her mom ran into the room, and held him down. 

-Are you crazy?!-she yelled.

For a moment he started to think about why the hell is her son doing this. When her mom was sure that he's not planning on hurting himself anymore, she let him go. They both sat down on the bed.

-Now, can you tell me what's bothering you?-she asked.

He was looking at the floor, hoping that it would split open, and make him be gone.

-It's embarassing.

-The thing is embarassing?

-No, It's embarassing that I reacted this way.

He closed his eyes, hoping to dissappear. His mom gave him a hug, and smiled.

-Can I know what's bothering you?-her voice sounded comforting.

-Remember the brown haired boy that always followed me?-he asked, even thought it was hard for him to admit what bothered him.

-Yes I do, you were always annoyed by him.-she seemed to remember.

-He stopped following me. And the worst in it is that I can't remember his name, even thought he's been there in my whole life...

They were just sitting there in silence. But this silence was more comfortable than annoying. Then she spoke:

-Actually, his mom died last week. I was there on the funeral. 

-What?

He gave the boy a really hard time, even thought he was already at the worst. Hurting him problaby made it worse. Alexander was sure about that he fucked up. Even thought he always mistreated the boy, Alex was happy for that how he was always following him. Because of his personality making friends was not easy, and the brown haired boy's loyality has always stopped him from being lonely.

-I fucked up.

-What are you talking about?

-I made his life worse than it already was.-he was regretting it.-I was only causing pain to him. I'm a shitty person!

Her mom had no idea what she was supposed to say. Her son was causing way too much pain to his friend, wich was something she could not forgive to someone else, but she seemed to be able not to be too mad at him.

-I have to say sorry.-he stood up, and walked out of the house.

As he was walking trought the streets, his mind was making him regret every single word he said to that poor boy. The feelings in his heart were making it harder, but not hard enough to stop him. When he arrived to the right adress, he knocked on the door. Even thought he waited, no one answered.

-He's not home...