Sweetened || HS AU (COMPLETED)

• twenty •

brace yourselves.
we have a rollercoaster ahead.
but like not bad, more sad than anything, in my opinion.
i would proceed cautiously.
with that being said...

||

| Jailen |

I felt like I couldn't breathe. Hours had passed and I had yet to stop crying.

I was fine at first. I was fine when I got Hayden from Nick. I was fine when Harry drove us home. I was fine when I declined his offer for us to come back to his place. I was fine when we said bye to Harry. I was fine on the elevator ride up. And I was fine until I slid the lock across the front door.

Then the tears came.

It was a small sniffle at first as I kissed Hayden's cheek and hugged her as I walked us to the living room. Hayden expressed how much she missed me and the tears fell every time I blinked. She fell asleep shortly after, claiming that she had been up since early this morning helping Jason with the garden.

My eyes had begun to sting and then I began thinking.

I stared at my daughter lying against my chest. I was sat on the floor with my back against the sofa. The lights were still off and now that the sun had set, the only light we had was the moon peaking from behind the clouds. I wasn't even sure of the time anymore. It was around 3 in the afternoon when Harry dropped us off, but it had to be around 1 in the morning now.

My body quivered as I tried to suck in a sharp breath only to cry harder when the air stopped halfway down my throat. More tears.

I wanted to hug my daughter tighter but if I did, she wouldn't be able to breathe, and there was no sense in both of us suffocating. Only one of us hated their mom.

Wait...

Did Hayden hate me?

I looked down at my daughter, vision blurry from tears but I was unable to stop them. She hated me. The fear of being just like my mother had engraved itself into my chest and I sobbed.

I almost abandoned her. I would've missed her first steps, her first words, her first day of school all because I couldn't handle life. Fuck.

My body shook uncontrollably as my cries filled the room around me. I brought my hand up to my mouth to muffle my sobs. Hayden was a heavy sleeper so I didn't have to worry about waking her but god knows I'd die of embarrassment if my neighbors heard me.

I was sinking into the most bottomless pit and the worst part was that I had no desire to try and claw my way out.

I had failed at everything.

I felt sick to my stomach as the tears kept flowing because the only thing I wanted at the moment was a hug from my mom. The person who had single-handedly destroyed me is the person I wanted affection from. Way before Harry, way before Arthur, she had ruined me.

"Get. A. Grip," I whispered to myself, though my body didn't seem to want to listen. Minutes passed of uncontrollably sobbing and I realized I didn't want to be by myself anymore.

I shifted and grabbed my phone from beside me. I ignored all the texts and missed calls from Jason and Nick, my hands shaking as I dialed the number.

"What is it, sweetie?" Harry answered on the first ring, his voice groggy as if I had just woken him up.

"Harry..." seemed to be the only word I was able to get out before I choked on yet another sob.

The line went silent and I let the phone fall from my hands. I closed my eyes, frowning as more tears slid down my neck.